Nothing Like Good Suction

Headline: Man Gets 90 Days In Jail In Vacuum Sex Act Case
Origin of Clip:CBSnews.com 26.3.9
Caption: Nothing Like Good Suction

Man Accused Of Performing Sex Act With Car Wash Vacuum Sentenced To 90 Days In Jail

Headline: School to Parents: Dead Daughter Can't Go to Prom
Origin of Clip:FOXNews.com 25.3.9
Caption: How can a dead person go to school?
We are not making fun of the death. We are making fun of the stupid school.

The parents of a British teen, who died suddenly two months ago, received a disturbing letter from the girl's high school saying she needs to improve her attendance or can't go to the prom, the Manchester Evening News reported.

The letter said Megan Gillan's attendance was 60.4 percent and the school requires its students to keep a 92 percent attendance record.

"I screamed when I first saw it," her mother Margaret Gillan told the newspaper. If they want her to attend that much I'll take Megan's remains. It's disgusting."

Gillan was found dead Jan. 19 in her bedroom at her parent's home. The letter was dated March 16.

Headline: Driver Says GPS Unit Led Him to Edge of Cliff
Origin of Clip:FOXNews.com 25.3.9
Caption: GPS Gets Mean

A British driver has blamed his GPS navigation unit for leaving his car teetering on the edge of a cliff after he followed its instructions.

Robert Jones said he trusted his navigational system and continued to follow it when it told him the steep, narrow footpath he was driving on was a road.

Jones, from Doncaster, South Yorkshire, northern England, now has a court date for driving without due care and attention.

His BMW nearly plunged down a 100-foot cliff in Todmorden, West Yorkshire, on Sunday

Headline: Family Visits Wrong Gravesite For 24 Years Following Cemetery Mix-Up
Origin of Clip: citynews.ca 25.3.9
Caption: Sad really

For the past 24 years a Toronto family has been visiting a gravesite they believed held the remains of their great grandfather. It turns out they have been laying flowers, and prayers, down at the plot of a total stranger.

... she brought her mother's ashes to be buried with her great grandfather at Resthaven Memorial Gardens on Monday.

When she arrived she found a new marker in his usual spot, and was then told that his grave was actually in another location.

"He came out said 'No, you're confused, you're upset, It happens to people.' I said, 'No, I am not. I know where I have been doing for 24 years..." **** said.

"We've been bringing flowers every birthday, every Father's Day, Christmas. And we've been visiting him and it's not even him."

Headline: Romantic Teen Seeks Prom Date, Gets Cops Instead
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 25.3.9
Caption: Spray Painted Romance Gets Tainted

A South Carolina teen's romantic gesture has won him the attention of police and environmental officers. Authorities told The Island Packet of Hilton Head that the 18-year-old man was caught spray painting the word "prom" on the beach near the home Sunday of the young lady he wanted to take to the dance. A neighbor had called police.

Deputies made the teen clean the area, but did not file any charges.

The spray paint cans were sent to environmental officials to see if the chemicals pose any harm to the beach.

Headline: Frantic 911 Call: "My Wife Is Biting Me!"
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 24.3.9
Caption: Help, I Need Someone

Some people will go to fisticuffs to get their point across, and others will go to, well, handcuffs, reports WCBS In New York.

Such was the case for a Fairfield woman having marital problems who desperately wanted to talk to her husband after he apparently decided to leave her.

Helen Sun, 37, was arrested Tuesday after sneaking into Robert Drawbough's bedroom and handcuffing herself to him while he slept so they could talk.

Drawbough, frightened by his wife's antics, however, called police immediately and begged the dispatcher for help after his wife began biting and scratching him.

Headline: Police Say Woman Used Fake ID To Get Fake Breasts
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 24.3.9
Caption: Fake and Flaky

Police are seeking a woman they said used a false identity to get breast implants and liposuction, then skipped town. Huntington Beach police said Monday that a 30-year-old woman opened a line of credit in someone else's name in September 2008 and had the procedures worth more than $12,000 performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery.

Headline: Spider-Man comes to boy's rescue
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 24.3.9
Caption: Spiderman Saves The Day Or Was That Mighty Mouse

A FIREMAN turned superhero when he dressed up as comic-book character Spider-Man to coax a frightened eight-year-old from a balcony, police say.
Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities yesterday when an autistic pupil, scared of going to lessons, sat out on the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside, a police sergeant said.

Despite teachers' efforts to beckon the boy inside, he refused to budge until his mother mentioned her son's love of superheroes, prompting fireman Sonchai Yoosabai to take a novel approach to the problem.

"My fireman rushed back to the fire station and took out his Spider-Man costume ... The boy immediately ran into his arms with a smile,'' Sergeant Virat Boonsadao said.

Headline: Parrot Awarded for Yelling About Choking Baby
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 24.3.9
Caption: Parrot is a Hero

DENVER — A parrot that alerted his owner about a baby who was choking was recognized as a hero by the Red Cross.

Willie the parrot was given the Animal Lifesaver Award during the "Breakfast of Champions" event attended by Gov. Bill Ritter and Mayor John Hickenlooper.

Willie received the award Friday for his actions in November, when he and owner Megan Howard were baby-sitting a toddler. Willie repeatedly yelled "Mama, baby" when Howard went to the bathroom and the toddler started to choke on her breakfast.

Headline: U.S. Jobs Threatened by Cheap Chinese Condoms
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 24.3.9
Caption: Baby Booming Condoms

With the American economy in turmoil, the government has decided to drop a long-standing contract with a U.S. company and give it to a foreign one, the Kansas City Star reported.

In a move that will cost around 300 American jobs, the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), has decided to purchase condoms from foreign companies — in countries like South Korea and China — because they cost less than American-made prophylactics, the Star reported.

The agency distributes billions of condoms to poor countries around the world, but has previously used only American-made condoms because of "Buy American" regulations, the Star reported. The stimulus bill that recently passed in Congress, however, does not include that provision for condoms...

A Grave Exercise Session

Headline: Transgender Woman Exercised Husband to Death
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 14.2.9
Caption: A Grave Exercise Session

CHARDON, Ohio — An Ohio transgender woman has pleaded guilty to reckless homicide for exercising her 73-year-old husband to death in an apartment complex swimming pool.

Middlefield police say surveillance video shows 41-year-old Christine Newton-John pulling James Mason around the pool by his arms and legs and preventing him from leaving. Mason had a heart attack on June 2 just after the extended swim session.

Headline: Woman teacher jailed over sex texts to boy
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 13.2.9
Caption: Boy seducer seduced to jail

A primary school teacher who sent sexually explicit text messages to a 14-year-old boy whom she met through an interactive computer game was jailed for 12 months yesterday.

Lynn Walls, 42, first encountered the boy – who lived 240 miles away – while playing World of Warcraft, the world's most popular online game. In the role-playing game, which features humans and mythical creatures and has 11 million subscribers worldwide, Walls created a virtual self who was thin, attractive and blonde.

The overweight, divorced mother told police later that she had designed her virtual character to be “everything I am not”. The boy, from London, fell for the image. The pair had private discussions in an online chat room before Walls persuaded him to exchange mobile phone numbers.

Headline: Defibrillator champion is saved by one himself
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 13.2.9
Caption: Defibrillator saves man who sought to install it

..."I believe the Lord chose me to lead that group," said Terry, who lives in Hurst, Texas. But his "sign from the Lord" came, not in the form of a dream or a mysterious figure in his morning toast. Instead, it came in the form of a cardiac arrest by the security checkpoint at the Austin airport.

"I was trying to get back to the metroplex because I had a meeting the next morning. I reached down to pick up my briefcase, and I kept going."

Here's where the story takes an ironic twist: Gary Terry collapsed just 18 feet from an automated external defibrillator AED that he and his group -- the American Heart Association -- helped to install just eight months earlier...

Headline: 13-Year-Old, Barely 4 Feet Tall, Becomes Father
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 13.2.9
Caption: He Did Not Know What He Was Doing?

A 13-year-old British boy — with the physical appearance of a child much younger, standing at 4 feet tall — is the father of a new baby girl, The Sun reports.

Alfie Patten's girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, 15, became pregnant after a one-time tryst between the two, according to Alfie's father, Dennis.

"He didn’t know what he was doing and of the complications that could come," said Dennis Patten.

Headline: World's longest fingernails lost in car crash
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 13.2.9
Caption: Broken Fingernail

THE woman who was credited with having world's longest fingernails has lost them in a car crash.

Lee Redmond, who was listed as having the longest nails in the Guinness Book of World Records, suffered serious but not life threatening injuires in an accident in Salt Lake City, Utah, on Wednesday, local paper the Desert News reported.

Ms Redmond was thrown out of a 4WD vehicle and was taken to hospital...

Headline: Teenage handbag thief outpaced by 72-year-old ex-sprinter
Clip from: telegraph.co.uk
Date of clip: 12.2.9
Caption: Super Woman

A teenage thief picked on the wrong victim when she tried to run off with a bag belonging to pensioner Jean Hirst - a former championship sprinter.
The schoolgirl was surprised to discover her victim, a former All England Schools championship sprinter, still had a turn of pace - at the age of 72.

As Mrs Hirst gave chase, she soon began to close on the culprit who was forced to throw down the bag in her desperation to escape.

The retired teacher had allowed three teenage girls into her car to help her with directions after getting lost on the way to a theatre.

She was straight out of the starting blocks again, however, when one of them took advantage and tried to make off with her bag.

Mrs Hirst said: "Suddenly I felt 18 again. The adrenaline just kicked in and I seemed to turn back the years...

Monkey Business

Headline: Woman 'Pregnant' With Monkey Convicted of Smuggling
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 10.12.8
Caption: Monkey Business

A Washington state woman and her mother have been convicted in federal court on charges of sneaking a rhesus monkey into the United States from Thailand.

Gypsy Lawson, 29, hid the sedated young rhesus macaque under her blouse, pretending to be pregnant when she successfully passed through U.S. Customs in Los Angeles after a trip to Bangkok.

Her mother, Fran Ogren, 55, of Northport, Wash., also went on the trip in November 2007.

Headline: Police 'sodomised man with baton'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 10.12.8
Caption: Weird Side of the Law

A NEW York City police officer has been accused of sodomising a man with a police baton on a subway platform while two others helped cover up the crime.

Detective Richard Kern, 25, was charged with aggravated sexual assault, which is punishable by up to 25 years in prison, and other charges.

Andrew Morales and Alex Cruz, both 26, are charged with participating in the attempted cover up, which included writing a summons for the victim following the assault. If convicted, each faces up to four years in prison.

"I'm pleased but it still hasn't changed what happened to me," the victim, Michael Mineo, 24, told reporters after the arraignment. "I still have abdominal pain, rectal pain."

His lawyer, Kevin Mosley said, "It was, for all intents and purposes, rape."

Headline: Honest Woman Finds $97K In Restroom, Returns It
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 10.12.8
Caption: A nice story

Billie Watts said she was tempted but couldn't bring herself to keep $97,000 she said she found in a Cracker Barrel restroom. The 75-year-old Murfreesboro woman told The Daily News Journal that she discovered the money inside a tapestry bag hanging from a hook on a stall door last Thursday.

But five days later, the money and its anonymous owner remain something of a mystery in the community, where police said they have no report of the find.

While digging through the bag to figure out its owner, Watts said she found a bundle of neatly stacked $1,000 bills.