REALLY? UNBELIEVABLE!

Headline: Rescuers Find Blind Hiker Who Vanished in Va.
Clip: FOXNews.com 3.5.9
Caption: REALLY? UNBELIEVABLE!

RICHMOND, Va. — A legally blind hiking magazine editor who went missing along the Appalachian Trail in Virginia was found Saturday in good condition, authorities said.

Headline: Australian anti-flu drugs are out of date
Clip: news.com.au 3.5.9
Caption: Well, that's just great!

THE Federal Government has admitted it is about to replace 1.9 million doses of anti-flu vaccines because the drugs will soon be out of date.

Headline: Bathroom Emergency: Commodes Save Crash Pilot
Clip: FOXNews.com 2.5.9
Caption: No wonder some called them 'comfort stations"

PUYALLUP, Wash. — The pilot of a small airplane was able to walk away after its crash landing was cushioned by a bunch of portable toilets near Tacoma, Wash.

Headline: Officer Fired After Shocking Kids With Stun Gun
Clip: FOXNews.com 2.5.9
Caption: Stunned

CARRABELLE, Fla. — A Florida corrections officer was fired after zapping children with 50,000 volts of electricity during a "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" tour.

Headline: Cowboy Cited For 'riding Under The Influence'
Clip: CBSnews.com 2.5.9
Caption: I'm Not Drunk, It's My Horse

Colo. Police Write Man A $25 Ticket In Mall Parking Lot For 'riding Under The Influence'

Headline: 'There's no money for you - you're dead'
Clip: news.com.au 2.5.9
Caption: I did not know I'm dead

A VICTORIAN pensioner got the fright of his life when he was told by Centrelink workers he was listed as dead.

Clive Norton, 71, was told Centrelink records showed he died on April 8.

"I was pretty upset and just dumbfounded for a while," the Ballarat man said.

His wife, Denise, 61, even received a Centrelink payment for $2292 for funeral expences..

CURRENT IRONICALLY WEIRD HEADLINES
(Links)


Cowboy on Horse Cited for Riding Animal Under Influence
FOXNews.com 2 5.9

'There's no money for you - you're dead'
news.com.au 2 5.9

Husband's 365 nights of birthday sex
CBSnews.com 1 5.9

Barbecue Joint Needs Permit For Busty Mannequin
CBSnews.com 1 5.9

Queen's lawn hosts daylight sex romp
FOXNews.com 1 5.9

Mice chew on residents of nursing home
CNN.com 30.4.9 (Video Link)

School plans 'disabled dress-up day'
news.com.au 30.4.9

Mum 'hid dead son in fridge for two years'
news.com.au 30.4.9

DA: Woman Smuggled $12M in Gold Bars in Purse
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Boy, 13, Flies to California Without Telling Parents
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Kenya Women Withhold Sex to End Political Feud
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Okla. Bomber Sues Prison For Constipation
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

California Woman: My Father Was the Zodiac Killer
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Deputy Quits After Wife, Mom-in-law Take Squad Car
CBSnews.com 29.4.9

Woman Allegedly Bites Boyfriend's Lip In Fight
CBSnews.com 29.4.9

Police Arrest Woman With Barrel Of Bear Candies
CBSnews.com 29.4.9

Judge Rules Inmate Can't Change Name to 'Sinner'
FOXNews.com 29.4.9

Radio Shack Employee Punches Customer
FOXNews.com 29.4.9

'I had my legs broken to be taken seriously'
news.com.au 29.4.9

Glow in dark pups 'not just a novelty'- VIDEO LINK
news.com.au 29.4.9

Miracle

Headline: Snowboarder survives three nights in -21C
From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 1.1.9
Caption: Miracle

A SNOWBOARDER has been found "frozen stiff" but alive after three days lost on a Canadian mountain.
James William Martin, 21, was discovered in the snow with frostbite on his hands and unable to walk.

"It's wonderful to live another day ... to live another year," he said today. "It's wonderful to make it out alive."

Mr Martin went missing near Mount Seymour, north of Vancouver, and was eventually found when a search party spotted and followed his tracks.

He had survived three days in bone-chilling conditions, with temperatures dropping as low as minus 21 Celsius, without any extreme weather equipment.

Headline: Man Shoots Friend's Car With Paintballs to Deter DUI
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 1.1.9
Caption: DUI Paintballed

A man who reportedly told police he was trying to deter a friend from driving drunk by blasting the friend's windshield with paintballs wound up in jail.

"This is a very creative way to prevent someone from drinking and driving, but not legal or safe," said Sgt. Ken Lattin.

Responding Tuesday night to a nearby resident's report of a man shooting paintballs at a car, police found the 41-year-old man, who explained his rationale.

The Tri-City Herald reported the man was arrested and booked into the Benton County jail for investigation of unlawfully discharging a weapon and an unrelated misdemeanor warrant.

Headline: Sneaking Teens Stranded for 3 Days: We Are Idiots
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 1.1.9
Caption: They are idiots

Two rescued Australian teenagers say they were idiots for getting lost for three days in rugged bushland after trying to sneak into a Victorian music festival without tickets.
Harry Wild and Ryan Hurley, both 19, had been trying to find a back way into the Falls Music Festival, near Lorne on the Great Ocean Road.
But their plans went awry when the pair lost cell phone reception and ended up getting lost....
"We know we are idiots, we think we are so silly. I just what to thank everyone who was involved in the process."

Headline: Woman Out for Walk Finds Mummified Head in Bag
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 1.1.9
Caption: No sense losing your head over it.

A human head was found in a bag by a British woman out for a morning walk Wednesday.

The gruesome discovery was made in the Newhaven area of Edinburgh.

Lothian and Borders Police have launched an investigation.

It is thought the head may be several years old and it is not known how long it had been there.

Police said the head "appeared to be mummified."

It was found on a public footpath at Hawthornvale. The woman who found it raised the alarm at 1030 a.m.

They are idiots

Headline: Sneaking Teens Stranded for 3 Days: We Are Idiots
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 1.1.9
Caption: They are idiots

Two rescued Australian teenagers say they were idiots for getting lost for three days in rugged bushland after trying to sneak into a Victorian music festival without tickets.
Harry Wild and Ryan Hurley, both 19, had been trying to find a back way into the Falls Music Festival, near Lorne on the Great Ocean Road.
But their plans went awry when the pair lost cell phone reception and ended up getting lost....
"We know we are idiots, we think we are so silly. I just what to thank everyone who was involved in the process."

Headline: Woman Out for Walk Finds Mummified Head in Bag
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 1.1.9
Caption: No sense losing your head over it.

A human head was found in a bag by a British woman out for a morning walk Wednesday.

The gruesome discovery was made in the Newhaven area of Edinburgh.

Lothian and Borders Police have launched an investigation.

It is thought the head may be several years old and it is not known how long it had been there.

Police said the head "appeared to be mummified."

It was found on a public footpath at Hawthornvale. The woman who found it raised the alarm at 1030 a.m.

Headline: Nuts! Naked Intruder Foiled by Elderly Woman's Squeeze
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 31.12.8
Caption: Super Granny Squeezes Intruder's Balls

The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office says an 88-year-old woman fended off a naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing.

Deputy Paul McRedmond says the man got into the house Tuesday through a sliding door. He backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair.

That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed. The man tore free and fled.

McRedmond says a county code enforcement officer who heard the police call on his radio spotted a car near the woman's house and passed on the license information to authorities.
Troutdale police arrested...

Headline: Lawsuit seeks to take 'God' out of inaugural
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 31.12.8
Caption: So, No More Praying To God Before Going To War Then?

Some atheists want Barack Obama's inauguration ceremony to leave out references to God and religion. In a lawsuit, the plaintiffs demand the words "So help me God" not be added to the end of the oath of office. The plaintiffs say they are being forced to choose between not watching the inauguration or watching endorsements of "purely religious notions."

This is the headline of a story that is hard to take: EMTs on Tape: Disabled Man 'Not Worth Saving'

Headline: Now that's a credit crunch
From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 31.12.8
Caption: Smelling salts here please

A BRITISH man was left in major shock when his bank statement showed him to be £100 billion ($208 billion) overdrawn.
As if the credit crunch was not hitting Britons hard enough, Donald Moffat was temporarily in deep, deep, deep financial trouble - due to a "technical error''.

The 38-year-old, from Irvine on Scotland's east coast, said his wife noticed the somewhat "major discrepancy of two £50-billion debits'' after he logged on to his account online.

"When I saw it - I've been shaking, I've been feeling sick - everything,'' the stunned student and part-time care worker told the BBC.

Headline: Probe: Anti-Bias Worker Sent Racist, Sexist E-mails
From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 31.12.8
Caption: Anti-racist is a Racist

An Ohio state employee whose job is to prevent discrimination repeatedly sent racist and sexist e-mails from his government account, an investigation found, but kept his job.
The same man was reprimanded a year ago for sending an e-mail joking about giving jobs to women with large breasts.
Jokes about men kissing and a woman's genitalia, as well as a racial joke and a caricature of President-elect Barack Obama, were in the latest e-mails sent by the Transportation Department worker, according to an agency report obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press.