Is this not incest after the fact?

Headline: Mother Wins Right to Harvest Dead Son's Sperm
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 8.4.9
Caption: Is this not incest after the fact?

AUSTIN, Texas — A judge has granted a mother's request to have someone harvest sperm from her dead son's body, so she can have the option of carrying out his wish to have children.

Nikolas Colton Evans, 21, died Sunday at a hospital after being punched and falling outside an Austin bar March 27.

His mother, Marissa Evans, told the Austin American-Statesman newspaper that he wanted to have three sons someday and had even picked out their names: Hunter, Tod and Van.

"I want him to live on. I want to keep a piece of him," she told the newspaper.

Travis County Probate Judge Guy Herman ruled Monday in an emergency hearing requested by the mother, because of the urgency of collecting the sperm intact.
Court documents said the sperm had to be collected within 24 hours of Nikolas Evans being removed from life support unless the body was cooled to no more than 39.2 degrees Fahrenheit (4 Celsius).
Herman ordered the county medical examiner's office to continue storing the body at the proper temperature until the sperm could be collected.

Headline: Irate Diner Dials 911 After Shrimp Order Falls Short
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 7.4.9
Caption: Shrimp emergency

A woman called 911 recently from Dallas-area restaurant merely to complain that she did not receive the extra shrimp she had ordered -- and she may get away with the "emergency" call without facing punishment, MyFOXDFW.com reports.

“I always get the shrimp fried rice, so I said I’m going to get extra meat this time,” the woman told a 911 operator on Monday. “But he didn’t even put extra shrimp in there and I asked him, ‘Can you give me extra shrimp or can you give me my money back?’”

She added that the employee at A&D Buffalo’s in Haltom, Texas, “sort of hollered so I said I would call the police.”

Restaurant employees described the woman to MyFOXDFW.com as a regular customer. She asked for a refund, but since she had left the building and come back, they refused.

"She started yelling and screaming, brought her boyfriend in and they started making a scene in here,” Alex Kim, the restaurant’s attorney told the Dallas/Forth Worth FOX affiliate.

Headline: Man Decides To Clean With Gasoline While Smoking
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 7.4.9
Caption: Tell us another one dude

A man faces an arson charge after telling authorities he wasn't thinking when he decided to use gasoline for cleaning up his apartment, and then tossed a lit cigarette into a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes. A criminal complaint filed Monday quoted a 47-year-old man as saying he knew gasoline is flammable and never should have used it.

The complaint said that when the fire began Friday, he didn't pull the fire alarm but instead shouted "fire" a couple times and walked to the Menasha police department for an ambulance to take him to the hospital where he was treated for burns.

Headline: Officer Tickets Parked Car as Woman Lies Dead Inside
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 7.4.9
Caption: Stiff Gets Ticket

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — A parking enforcement officer issued a ticket for a pickup truck outside an Alabama emergency room while a woman lay dead inside the vehicle, authorities said.

Rebecca Kate Haley, 25, had been dead for at least seven hours when an illegal parking ticket was put on the windshield, authorities said.

Police spokesman Sgt. Johnny Williams Jr. said the officer didn't see Haley because she was slumped over in the truck's cab. Drug paraphernalia was found in the truck.

Williams said Tuesday that Haley's cause of death had not been determined.

About an hour after the ticket was issued at 10:15 a.m. Monday outside the UAB hospital, a passer-by spotted Haley.

Headline: Missing: $1,200 Worth Of Lip Gloss
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 7.4.9
Caption: Look for the woman with the glossy lips

Here's some lip gloss that's really hot. Police want to know who made off with 74 tubes of "Beauty Rush" _ worth about $1,200 _ from a suburban New York Victoria's Secret store. Clarkstown police believe the cosmetics went missing from a bin sometime Saturday. The store, in the Nanuet Mall, reported the theft on Sunday.

Police are reviewing surveillance footage for clues.

Headline: Man admits grabbing breasts
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 7.4.9
Caption: Man at tracks grabs racks

A MAN who grabbed the breasts of two women at the Wellard and Rockingham train stations has pleaded guilty to indecent assault.

The 20-year-old Rockingham man pleaded guilty to the attacks and will reappear in Rockingham Magistrate's Court for a pre-sentence report on May 8.

Mom Drugs daughter so BF could screw her

Headline: Cops: Mom Drugged Daughter, 13, to Get Her Pregnant
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 2.4.9
Caption: Mom Drugs daughter so BF could screw her

UNIONTOWN, Pa. — Police say a western Pennsylvania mother drugged her 13-year-old daughter so her boyfriend could get the girl pregnant.

Uniontown police say 32-year-old Shana Brown is no longer able to have children, but wanted a baby with her boyfriend.

Det. Donald Gmitter says Brown and her boyfriend, 40-year-old Duane Calloway, attempted to impregnate the girl on three occasions. Gmitter says the girl prevented the rapes. The girl's paternal grandmother reported the incidents to police.

Brown is facing several charges, including endangering the welfare of children. Brown's attorney Patrick McDaniel did not immediately return a call for comment.Mom Drugs daughter so BF could screw her

Headline: Nurse Charged for Injecting 10 Patients With Bleach
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 2.4.9
Caption: Nurse wanted them clean inside and out

LUFKIN, Texas — A former nurse has been charged with injecting 10 patients with bleach — killing five of them — at a dialysis center in Lufkin.
Kimberly Saenz has been indicted by an Angelina County grand jury on one count of capital murder and five counts of aggravated assault.
She's charged with injecting bleach into the blood stream of her dialysis patients over a span of four weeks last April.
DaVita, which runs the clinic, says the indictments were a "painful reminder" of the deaths that unfolded last year.
Saenz was charged last May with two counts of aggravated assault for injecting bleach into two patients. Both lived.
The 35-year-old wasn't charged in any deaths until this week's indictments, which link her to five deaths

Headline: Woman Follows GPS, Gets Stuck In Snowmobile Trail
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 2.4.9
Caption: At least the GPS system did not send her over a cliff

A motorist relying on a GPS navigation unit found out the hard way that technology is not always the answer. Sheriff's officials said a woman was driving when the best routing from the GPS sent her onto a road that forked into a snowmobile trail. Several miles down the frozen path she stopped and couldn't turn around in about a foot and a half of snow surrounding the car. ..

The Principal Bite

Headline: Police: Mother Allegedly Bites Son's Principal
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 18.3.9
Caption: The Principal Bite

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A Rhode Island woman is facing charges after allegedly punching and biting her 11-year-old son's school principal after being told the boy was being suspended.

Police say 30-year-old Aleyda Uceta also bit an officer trying to arrest her after Friday's incident at Roger Williams Middle School in Providence.

She is charged with assault on school officials, assault on police officers and resisting arrest.

Principal Rudolph Moseley Jr. was allegedly assaulted after he told Uceta that her son would be suspended for three days for refusing to go to a room for misbehaving students.

Police say Uceta punched Moseley in the face and bit his left arm.

Headline: Cops: Conn. Teacher Made Boy Eat From Garbage
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 18.3.9
Caption: Read This While Eating

BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A kindergarten teacher in a Bridgeport school has been arrested for allegedly forcing a 5-year-old boy to eat his lunch from a garbage can.

Sixty-seven-year-old Anne O'Donnell of Fairfield, a teacher at Park City Magnet School, was arrested Tuesday on a charge of risk of injury to a minor.

School officials say the charge stems from an incident last week when the boy apparently tossed out his lunch of chicken nuggets and a banana from the school cafeteria.

The teacher is accused of retrieving the items from the garbage can and forcing the boy to eat them in front of her.

Headline: Pole dancer blamed for kid's pole bump
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 18.3.9
Caption: No Private Dancer Here

RAUNCHY strip club signage is posing a moral and physical danger to Hobart schoolchildren, critics say, after one youngster walked into a pole while ogling a picture of a "rude lady".
Hobart Hooters Bar owner Peter Johnson was today refusing to replace two signs causing some offence, saying the controversy was "a storm in a D-cup''.

The club is close to a cinema and a private girls' school and its 2m-high exterior signs are visible from 100m away.

They show a woman's naked torso and a bikini-clad pole dancer.

The Advertising Standards Bureau has received complaints about the signs and the girls' school principal says they are inappropriately placed.

Cradle Robber

Headline: Mum 'had sex with 12-year-old boy'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 4.3.9
Caption: Cradle Robber

A SOUTH Australian married mother of two took a 12-year-old boy as her lover, and had sex with him in her car and on a patch of dirt by a dump, a court has heard. AdelaideNow reports a jury was today told Rebecca Robyn Daniel repeatedly denied having an affair with the boy, but told her co-worker she considered him "her best friend". The 35-year-old, of Port Wakefield, is standing trial in the District Court. She has pleaded not guilty to one count of aggravated indecent assault and three counts of unlawful sexual intercourse. Opening the trial, prosecutor Michael Barnett said the offences occurred between June 2007 and February 2008. At that time, the boy – who cannot be identified – was 12 and 13 years old, while Ms Daniel was 34. Mr Barnett told the jury Ms Daniel would often give the boy a lift in her car. One night, when she was driving him home, she took a detour and drove to the wharf at Port Wakefield," he said. ....
"She stopped the car, turned off the lights, looked at the boy and said 'untie your pants'." Mr Barnett said that was the first of two sexual encounters the couple had in the car. A third occurred in a "large dump area" near her home where "the ground was dirt". He said that, after they both undressed, Ms Daniel told the boy to "stick it in".

Headline: Juice with added goodness may be bad
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 4.3.9
Caption: Good Not Good

FRUIT juices containing added extras such as herbal supplements or antioxidants do not have significant health benefits and may actually be harmful to some people, Australia's leading consumer group says.

An investigation by Choice has found juice with extras such as aloe vera, echinacea, ginkgo, ginseng, spirulina, barley grass and wheat grass did not contain enough of the extracts to have any meaningful health impact.

Choice spokesman Christopher Zinn said the low levels could actually be an advantage because some extracts at higher doses were not necessarily safe.

He said gingko could interfere with other medications such as anticoagulants while anyone suffering high blood pressure should take ginseng only in small doses and pregnant women should not take it at all.

Headline: Man stuffs cat in marijuana pipe
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 3.3.9
Caption: Smoking Cat

A MAN who tried to calm down his cat by stuffing her into a homemade marijuana pipe faces cruelty charges - and catcalls from animal lovers.
The Associated Press (AP) reported sheriff's deputies responding to a domestic disturbance call yesterday alleged they saw 20-year-old Acea Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose attached to a duct-taped, plastic glass box in which the cat had been stuffed.

"This cat was just dazed," Sgt Andy Stebbing told AP. "She was on the front seat of the cop car, wrapped in a blanket, and never moved all the way to the humane society."

Mr Schomaker told police 6-month-old Shadow was hyper and he was trying to calm her down. The contraption she had been stuffed inside was 30 centimetres by 15 centimetres.

Headline: Airline selling "penis" on flights
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 3.3.9
Caption: Say What!

A US airline is now selling "penis" on flights, an anchorwoman has declared. The slip-up happened on CNN when anchorwoman Zain Verjee was reporting about Northwest Airlines now selling peanuts on flights.

Ms Verjee mentioned the word “penis” three times instead of “peanuts”.

“Northwest began serving penis this month as its merger partner Atlanta-based Delta airlines has done for years,” Ms Verjee said.

“Georgia is the top penis producing state in the country.”

The footage has been uploaded to YouTube in many different versions and has become an internet sensation with more than 700,000 views today.

Headline: Five People Claim Ownership of 840-Pound Emerald
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 3.3.9
Caption: It's Mine!

Just before Christmas, detectives from the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department pried open a crate outside a warehouse to find something they had been chasing for months: an 840-pound Brazilian emerald that had been reported stolen.

Now, if they could just figure out who owns it. So far, at least five people have come forward to say it's theirs.

"It seems like the more we talk to people, the more people claim to have ownership over this thing," said Lt. Thomas Grubb, who heads the sheriff's investigative team on the case. "We haven't determined who's not a suspect, really."

Unable to determine who the real owner is, Lt. Grubb decided to keep the emerald locked up while the investigation proceeds. Meanwhile, a Los Angeles civil court is scheduled to hear from different claimants in the case on Tuesday.

SICK, SICK AND SICK!

Headline: 'World's worst mum' raped own son
Clip from: news.com
Date of clip: 23.1.9
Caption: SICK, SICK AND SICK!

A MOTHER has been jailed for years of abuse against her six children that included her raping her 13-year-old son.
The Irish woman admitted she was the “worst mother in the world” after pleading guilty to a string of sex abuse and neglect charges, The Sun reports.
She became the first woman in the history of the Irish state to be jailed for incest when she was sentenced to seven years in jail.
The alcoholic 40-year-old admitted to two counts of incest, two of sexual abuse, six of neglect and wilful ill-treatment and neglect of the children between 1998 and 2004. She cannot be named to protect the identity of her children.

Headline: Man, 83, Misses Bus After Dancing With Young Women
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: Dancing the night away

An 83-year-old South Bend man said he missed his bus home from the presidential inauguration because he was dancing. Mussa Muhammad said his "spirit jumped sky-high" when President Barack Obama took the oath of office Tuesday. He became separated from his group and, he said, "just danced and danced" with a couple of young women he met along the way...

Headline: Mum let three-year-old smoke at home
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: Dumbass Mother

A MUM who allowed her three-year-old son to smoke has walked free from court because the judge thought it best for her to be at home with her kids.

Kelly Marie Pocock, a 24-year-old mother of three, was accused of allowing the toddler to smoke around the house in Merthyr Vale, Wales...

Headline: Stupid burglar caught in a hot tin roof
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: Dumbass Thief

FOR two hours he hid inside the roof, the sun beating down on the tin above sending the temperature in his hiding place soaring.
Finally the burglar, who was forced to crouch in the tiny cavity after the family he intended to rob came home unexpectedly, could take no more and fainted.
The half-baked crook came crashing through the ceiling and landed at the feet of a horrified couple and their five young children almost 4m below.
Food distributor Darren Young described yesterday how he and wife Deslie and five of their six children were at their Newcastle home on the New South Wales Central Coast on Wednesday when the would-be thief made a sudden and unlikely entrance.

Headline: Clinically Depressed Poodle Mauls Ex-French President
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: A dog off his meds

Former French President Jacques Chirac was rushed to a hospital after being mauled by his pet dog who is being treated for depression, in a dramatic incident that rattled the ex-president's wife.

The couple's white Maltese poodle, called Sumo, has a history of frenzied fits and became increasingly prone to making "vicious, unprovoked attacks" despite receiving treatment with anti-depressants, Chirac's wife Bernadette said..

Dumbass Mother

Headline: Mum let three-year-old smoke at home
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: Dumbass Mother

A MUM who allowed her three-year-old son to smoke has walked free from court because the judge thought it best for her to be at home with her kids.

Kelly Marie Pocock, a 24-year-old mother of three, was accused of allowing the toddler to smoke around the house in Merthyr Vale, Wales...

Headline: Stupid burglar caught in a hot tin roof
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: Dumbass Thief

FOR two hours he hid inside the roof, the sun beating down on the tin above sending the temperature in his hiding place soaring.
Finally the burglar, who was forced to crouch in the tiny cavity after the family he intended to rob came home unexpectedly, could take no more and fainted.
The half-baked crook came crashing through the ceiling and landed at the feet of a horrified couple and their five young children almost 4m below.
Food distributor Darren Young described yesterday how he and wife Deslie and five of their six children were at their Newcastle home on the New South Wales Central Coast on Wednesday when the would-be thief made a sudden and unlikely entrance.

Headline: Clinically Depressed Poodle Mauls Ex-French President
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 22.1.9
Caption: A dog off his meds

Former French President Jacques Chirac was rushed to a hospital after being mauled by his pet dog who is being treated for depression, in a dramatic incident that rattled the ex-president's wife.

The couple's white Maltese poodle, called Sumo, has a history of frenzied fits and became increasingly prone to making "vicious, unprovoked attacks" despite receiving treatment with anti-depressants, Chirac's wife Bernadette said..

Mommy Dearest Cheerleader

Headline: Mum posed as daughter to be cheerleader
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 14.1.9
Caption: Mommy Dearest Cheerleader

A 34-year-old mother was so desperate to be part of a US high school's cheerleading squad that she posed as her 15-year-old daughter.

Wendy Brown was committed today to a mental health facility for three years by a court in the midwest US state of Wisconsin after being found not guilty of identity theft because of mental impairment, news agency AP reports.

According to court documents Brown "stated she that wanted to get her high school degree and be a cheerleader because she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life she missed."

Brown enrolled at Ashwaubenon High School using her daughter's ID and attended cheerleading practices before school started, received a cheerleader's locker and went to a pool party at the cheerleading coach's house.

Headline: Court: Teachers Can Have Sex With 18-Year-Old Pupils
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 13.1.9
Caption: Teachers Can F*** Students Until They Drop - only for those 18 and older

Washington state law does not bar teachers from having sex with 18-year-old students.

That's the decision of a three-judge panel of the Washington Court of Appeals, which on Tuesday ordered the dismissal of a case brought against Hoquiam High School's former choir teacher.

The teacher, Matthew Hirschfelder, was charged with first-degree sexual misconduct with a minor. He challenged a judge's refusal to dismiss his case. The appeals court unanimously agreed that the state law is vague, and that the Legislature only intended to forbid sexual contact between school employees and students who are 16 or 17.

Headline: Firefighters Burn Own Firehouse Down for 2nd Time
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 13.1.9
Caption: Giong For Three Times?

German firefighters lost all their engines for a second time after their station burned to the ground in a fire they are believed to have set themselves, the Austrian Times reported.

The weekend blaze in Syke, northern Germany, was reportedly set by the firefighters themselves in a training exercise accident. However, faulty wiring could have been to blame.

It took 250 firefighters from the surrounding areas to bring the flames under control, the Austrian Times reported. All six fire engines were lost in the inferno.

This was not the first time the bumbling fire brigade lost its headquarters...

Headline: Student 'auctioning virginity for millions'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 13.1.9
Caption: Girl auctions virginity

MORE than 10,000 men have reportedly pledged more than $5 million online to claim the virginity of a 22-year-old San Diego student.

Natalie Dylan is being chased by besotted men across the world keen to spend a massive sum for one night of passion.

The chastity sale was first reported in September by US radio shock jock Howard Stern, but since then interest in her has rocketed with record hits to her MySpace page.

''I am shocked by how far this has gone,'' the 22-year-old told The Daily Mail.

''It's shocking that men will pay so much for someone's virginity, which isn't even prized so highly anymore."

Headline: Police: Minn. Woman Tried to Set Boyfriend on Fire
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 13.1.9
Caption: Woman Tries to BBQ Boyfriend

ST. CLOUD, Minn. — A St. Cloud woman is in jail after police say she tried to set her boyfriend on fire using a lighter and air freshener.

Investigators say the 49-year-old woman is accused of pouring fingernail polish remover on the victim and the blanket covering him, then trying to light him on fire.

The victim was able to take the air freshener from the woman. Police say she then hit him on the back of the head and bit him several times. As the man tried to call police, the woman allegedly ripped the phone cord out of the wall.

The woman is in the Stearns County Jail on suspicion of domestic assault and interfering with a 911 call.

Crazy World

Headline: Mom Accused of Selling Twins for Cosmetic Surgery
Clip from: foxnews.com
Date of clip: 14.12.8
Caption: Crazy World

A mother in the Belgian tourist haven of Ghent has been accused by her estranged husband of selling her newborn twin boys for more than $13,000 to pay for cosmetic surgery.
Marc Poppe, 48, told an undercover reporter for Dutch television that Sonia Ringoir, 31, had sold the babies to a friend to fund liposuction, the fat removal procedure. He said the couple had searched the Internet to find a quick way to make money: "It was financially attractive to us. Of course we wouldn’t do it for nothing."

Since Belgium has no law banning the sale of children, Ringoir was charged with "degrading treatment" of the twins. She was also charged with fraud after a Dutch couple alleged she had conned them by falsely offering to be a surrogate mother.

Headline: Dieting mum dies after too much water
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 14.12.8
Caption: Sad Story

A BRITISH mother of five died after drinking too much water three weeks after she had begun a water-based diet to lose weight, an inquest has heard.
Jacqueline Henson, 40, was determined to slim down from 89kg and was "over the moon" after losing nearly 5.4kg in one week after starting the LighterLife diet plan, Huddersfield Coroners' Court in England was told yesterday.
The LighterLife diet, which has been linked with water poisoning, hair loss and disrupting the menstrual cycle, suggests consuming only 2220 kilojoules a day - a quarter of a woman's recommended daily intake - for a period of 12 weeks, and drinking four litres of water a day.

Sick Dude

Headline: 'I regret not murdering her years ago'
Clip from: FOXNewsews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: What is this world coming to?

A MAN who admitted stabbing his mother to death says he is not in the least remorseful or repentant but regrets not doing it 20 years ago.

And Adam Patrick Owens, 35, scolded the prosecution during sentencing today for trying to mitigate what he did, saying it sent a "terrible message to the public".

Headline: Diamond Theft in Drag
Clip from: FOXNewsews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: Bad Girls Or Bad Girls?

Cross-dressing robbers make off with $100 million in loot from a Harry Winston store in Paris

Headline: Man Allegedly Attacks Speed Camera With Pickax
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: maybe he thought he could beat the speeding fine.

A 26-year-old man faces criminal charges after being accused of using a pickax to attack a speed enforcement camera recently installed along a Phoenix-area freeway.

The state Department of Public Safety said Travis Munroe Townsend was arrested and booked into jail Thursday on a charge of felony damage and misdemeanor counts of interference with a traffic control device and criminal trespass.

The DPS said a motorcycle officer parked under an overpass heard loud banging noises and saw a man swinging a pickax at a stationary camera late Wednesday night.

Headline: Man Allegedly Assaults Girlfriend With Burger
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Way to go chicken!

A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face.

Headline: 'Evil' Mom Convicted of Locking Up Daughter for Reward
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Asshole mother locks up daughter for money.

The mother of young British girl has been convicted, along with her boyfriend’s uncle, of kidnapping her own nine-year-old daughter in an unlikely plot to keep thousands of pounds in reward money.

Karen Matthews hatched the plan with Michael Donovan, who took young Shannon Matthews to his apartment and imprisoned her for 24 days, while her mother made emotional appeals for her return.

The jury at Leeds Crown Court today found the pair guilty of kidnapping, false imprisonment and perverting the course of justice. Justice McCombe warned the defendants that they faced a “substantial custodial sentence” before they were led away in custody.

Headline: Brains a poor second to kids who laugh
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Ha, Ha, Ha.

IT's no joke: parents would rather their children grow up to be comedians than brain surgeons. A survey of more than 300 mums and dads found more than 39 per cent wanted their child to have a good sense of humour - nearly 21 per cent wanted them to be extremely intelligent. Good looks came third, with nearly 16 per cent of people wanting their kids to be attractive.

Headline: Pizzeria Mistakenly Butchers Deer Near Customer
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Not deer dear.

An Allentown pizzeria said venison is not on the menu despite the impression a customer may have gotten when she saw one of the cooks butchering a deer in the shop's kitchen. John Okumus, the manager of Stromboli Pizza, called Tuesday's incident a huge misunderstanding.

Okumus said he shot a doe and planned to give it to his friend. He wrapped the animal in plastic and dropped it off in a back area of the kitchen, hoping the friend would pick it up. Okumus then went home.

He said a cook mistakenly started butchering the deer, and a customer saw what was happening.

Greed Greeds Meany

Headline: 'Evil' Mom Convicted of Locking Up Daughter for Reward
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Asshole mother locks up daughter for money.

The mother of young British girl has been convicted, along with her boyfriend’s uncle, of kidnapping her own nine-year-old daughter in an unlikely plot to keep thousands of pounds in reward money.

Karen Matthews hatched the plan with Michael Donovan, who took young Shannon Matthews to his apartment and imprisoned her for 24 days, while her mother made emotional appeals for her return.

The jury at Leeds Crown Court today found the pair guilty of kidnapping, false imprisonment and perverting the course of justice. Justice McCombe warned the defendants that they faced a “substantial custodial sentence” before they were led away in custody.

Headline: Brains a poor second to kids who laugh
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Ha, Ha, Ha.

IT's no joke: parents would rather their children grow up to be comedians than brain surgeons. A survey of more than 300 mums and dads found more than 39 per cent wanted their child to have a good sense of humour - nearly 21 per cent wanted them to be extremely intelligent. Good looks came third, with nearly 16 per cent of people wanting their kids to be attractive.

Headline: Pizzeria Mistakenly Butchers Deer Near Customer
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Not deer dear.

An Allentown pizzeria said venison is not on the menu despite the impression a customer may have gotten when she saw one of the cooks butchering a deer in the shop's kitchen. John Okumus, the manager of Stromboli Pizza, called Tuesday's incident a huge misunderstanding.

Okumus said he shot a doe and planned to give it to his friend. He wrapped the animal in plastic and dropped it off in a back area of the kitchen, hoping the friend would pick it up. Okumus then went home.

He said a cook mistakenly started butchering the deer, and a customer saw what was happening.

Headline:Cash-strapped teacher sells ads on tests
Clip from: CNNews.com
Date of clip: 3.12.8
Caption: There are adverts everywhere anyways.

In tests for teacher Tom Farber's high school class, students can demonstrate their mastery of calculus and find out where to get braces or even a haircut.
Calculus teacher Tom Farber is selling ad space on tests to defray printing costs.
Squeezed by classroom budget cuts, the Rancho Bernardo High School teacher is selling ads on his exams to cover the costs of printing them.

"My intention is, [selling ads] is a stopgap measure," said Farber. "I don't want to be doing this year after year."

Headline: Man Uses Candy Cane To Subdue Attacker With Knife
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 3.12.8
Caption: take that

A man using a candy cane lawn ornament fended off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home. Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong saID the man used the two-foot-tall plastic ornament to subdue the attacker until officers arrived.

He said the 49-year-old suspect became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor's home on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn.

He cut several peoples' clothing before one of them decided to fight back.

It's a Weird World

Headline: Mom Allegedly Burns 'Wimp' Into Daughter's Neck

Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 22.11.8
Caption: Disgusting!

A West Virginia mother faces charges after being accused of burning the word "wimp" into her 6-year-old daughter's neck.
Tammy Smith is charged with five counts of child abuse and of malicious assault, all felonies.
Moundsville Police Chief Jim Kudlak said Saturday that the child told police that her mother used a cigarette to burn her. Smith's daughter told authorities that her mother burned her because she was angered that the girl tripped and fell.

Headline: Venerable Texas Cowboy Boot Maker Hit By $3M Theft

Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 22.11.8
Caption: Booty On The Monty

A truck-driving thief made off with more than $3 million worth of merchandise from a venerable maker of cowboy boots and other footwear, authorities said.

The thefts occurred Labor Day weekend and Nov. 9 at a Justin Boots distribution center, said Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson.

Headline: Resort Sues Competitors for Swiping Beach Sand

Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 21.11.8
Caption: Do they have to count the grains?

A developer is suing two Spanish-owned hotel groups for allegedly stealing nearly 100 truckloads of sand from a beachfront property in Jamaica.

Felicitas Limited has filed an $8 million lawsuit against RIU Hotels & Resorts and the Fiesta Hotel Group. Attorney Michael Hylton says forensic tests suggest sand at two Spanish-owned hotels is similar to that stolen in July. He says the theft paralyzed construction of a $105 million resort.