Bank Robber With No Bank To Rob

Headline: Robber Mistakes Building For A Bank, Demands Cash
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 15.1.9
Caption: Bank Robber With No Bank To Rob

Police said a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn't in one. The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank. City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn't have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, "I know you have money. It's a bank."

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

Headline: Stripping burglar stuck on roof
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 15.1.9
Caption: Stuck in the nude for you

A SUSPECTED burglar who got stuck on a house roof in an exclusive Melbourne suburb stripped naked to show police he wasn't carrying any weapons.
The man became stuck on top of the property in Middle Park, in Bayside Melbourne, about 11.30am (AEDT) today, a police spokeswoman said.

"Initially he didn't want to come down but now it's a matter of getting him down safely,'' she said.

After first stripping naked, he then put his clothes back on, the spokeswoman said.

Local police, helicopters, police dogs, the police force response unit and the Metropolitan Fire Brigade (MFB) were all at the scene at lunchtime working out how to rescue the man.

Headline: Fast food in the nude
Clip from: FOXnews.com
Date of clip: 14.1.9
Caption: BUFF ORDER TO GO

A MAN was served hot chips at a late night eatery wearing nothing but his birthday suit, and asked a passerby to take photos.
The Northern Territory News reports the late night reveller stripped bare before putting in his order at the Darwin City 24-Hour Eatery on Smith St early on Monday.A witness said the naked man walked into the shop to order two buckets of chips with gravy. And the female attendant was reportedly only too happy to serve the nude customer.

Headline: Man Shoots Toilet After Gun in Pants Goes Off
Clip from: FOXnews.com
Date of clip: 14.1.9
Caption: I shot the toilet, but I did not shoot the sink.

CENTERVILLE, Utah — The man escaped with a few cuts to his arm, but the toilet made out much worse.

Police say a man's gun fell out of its holster while he pulled up his pants after using the bathroom at a Carl's Jr. restaurant Tuesday. The gun fired when it hit the floor and shattered the commode.

A few shards of porcelain cut the man's arm, and a woman in an adjacent restroom who was frightened by the noise reported she was having chest pain. Both people were checked at the scene and released. ...

Headline: Goat Blamed for Iowa House Fire
Clip from: FOXnews.com
Date of clip: 14.1.9
Caption: Goats are Arsonists

NORWALK, Iowa — A group of goats may have started a fire that destroyed a home in central Iowa, firefighters said.

The fire broke out early Tuesday near Norwalk. Three people in the house escaped unharmed.
John Hadley said his cat woke up him up, and he saw smoke coming from a ceiling. Hadley then woke up his ailing mother and her companion and got them out of the house.
The fire may have been started by some goats kept in a shed attached to the rear of the house, Assistant Northern Warren County Fire Chief Kevin Dingman said.
He said a space heater was kept in the shed to keep the goats warm, and the goats may have knocked it over, starting the fire.

Headline Lots ... and Lots of Coffee Linked to Hallucinations
Clip from: FOXnews.com
Date of clip: 14.1.9
Caption: Great Coffee Trip Man

Research suggests people who drink more than seven cups of instant coffee a day have an increased tendency to hallucinate.

High caffeine users may even think they sense non-existent people, according to researchers from the University of Durham.

They studied 200 students who were asked about their typical intake of caffeine products.

Those who had a high caffeine intake were three times more likely to have the heard voice of someone non-existent than "low" users who consumed less than one cup of instant coffee or its equivalent.

Seeing things that were not there, hearing voices and sensing the presence of dead people were among the experiences reported. Researchers also found that people drinking as few as three cups of brewed coffee each day may experience mild hallucinations, such as hearing voices that aren't there.

Headline: Mum posed as daughter to be cheerleader
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 14.1.9
Caption: Mommy Dearest Cheerleader

A 34-year-old mother was so desperate to be part of a US high school's cheerleading squad that she posed as her 15-year-old daughter.

Wendy Brown was committed today to a mental health facility for three years by a court in the midwest US state of Wisconsin after being found not guilty of identity theft because of mental impairment, news agency AP reports.

According to court documents Brown "stated she that wanted to get her high school degree and be a cheerleader because she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life she missed."

Brown enrolled at Ashwaubenon High School using her daughter's ID and attended cheerleading practices before school started, received a cheerleader's locker and went to a pool party at the cheerleading coach's house.

Kinda Dumb Robber

Headline: Masked Man Waits in Line to Rob Ohio Bank
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 9.1.9
Caption: Kinda Dumb Robber

STOW, Ohio — A man may have tipped his intentions when he stood in line at an Ohio bank wearing a ski mask before staging a holdup.

Police in Stow near Akron say 24-year-old Feliks Goldshtein of Highland Heights was arrested minutes later on Thursday following a brief car chase.

Police say the teller asked the man to take off the mask before being served. At that point the man displayed what turned out to be a toy gun and told the teller to give him all the money.

Police Captain Rick Myers says it's unusual for a masked robber to wait in line at a bank.

Headline: Cops: R.I. Boys Stole Car to Get to School on Time
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 9.1.9
Caption: BEING PUNCTUAL

WOONSOCKET, R.I. — Two Woonsocket High School boys did the right thing by trying to get to school on time.

It was the way they got there that police had a problem with.

Police tell The Call of Woonsocket the boys ages 15 and 16 stole a car Tuesday morning in order to make it to school on time.

Police received a call about a stolen vehicle at about 7:44 a.m.

John Raymond, an officer assigned to the school, found the vehicle in the parking lot.

After questioning some students, he identified two boys he thinks arrived in the car. One was located in class, and the other was in the in-house suspension room with the stolen car's keys in his pocket.

Headline: Kidney stone? No, it's a baby
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 9.1.9
Caption: Will she name the bay Stone or Kidney?

A CANADIAN woman rushed to hospital for what she believed was a kidney stone gave birth to a baby boy instead.
"This is some kidney stone, isn't it," the new mum told Canwest New Service as she cradled her son in her arms.

"We're still in shock. We just can't believe it."

Juanita Stead, 36, said she did not suffer morning sickness or put on extra weight during her pregnancy and she continued to menstruate so she had no idea that she was pregnant.

An X-ray after she went to hospital on on New Year's Eve suffering back pains revealed the truth.

"The technician looked at me and said, 'My dear, you're pregnant with a full-term baby'. And I said: 'No sir, you got the wrong woman and you're looking at the wrong screen. There is no way I'm pregnant," she said.

Smelling salts here please

Headline: Now that's a credit crunch
From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 31.12.8
Caption: Smelling salts here please

A BRITISH man was left in major shock when his bank statement showed him to be £100 billion ($208 billion) overdrawn.
As if the credit crunch was not hitting Britons hard enough, Donald Moffat was temporarily in deep, deep, deep financial trouble - due to a "technical error''.

The 38-year-old, from Irvine on Scotland's east coast, said his wife noticed the somewhat "major discrepancy of two £50-billion debits'' after he logged on to his account online.

"When I saw it - I've been shaking, I've been feeling sick - everything,'' the stunned student and part-time care worker told the BBC.

Headline: Probe: Anti-Bias Worker Sent Racist, Sexist E-mails
From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 31.12.8
Caption: Anti-racist is a Racist

An Ohio state employee whose job is to prevent discrimination repeatedly sent racist and sexist e-mails from his government account, an investigation found, but kept his job.
The same man was reprimanded a year ago for sending an e-mail joking about giving jobs to women with large breasts.
Jokes about men kissing and a woman's genitalia, as well as a racial joke and a caricature of President-elect Barack Obama, were in the latest e-mails sent by the Transportation Department worker, according to an agency report obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press.

Headline: Vt. Man Wins $650K After Pulling Ticket From Trash
From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 30.12.8
Caption: Man's trash turns out to be his treasure

A Vermont man who threw out a lottery ticket he'd been given for Christmas pulled it out of the trash and cashed it _ winning $650,000. Steven LeClair, of Richford, got the ticket for the Dec. 24 Tri-State Megabucks drawing as a gift from his mother. But it was in a gift bag that LeClair threw away, not knowing it was inside....

Headline: Bad Recycling: Pay Stub Used As Bank Robbery Note
From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 30.12.8
Caption: Stupid Thief

The robber's threatening note made a Chicago bank job easy to solve: The FBI says the suspect wrote it on his pay stub. An FBI affidavit said the man walked into a Fifth Third Bank on Friday and handed a teller a note that read "Be Quick Be Quit (sic). Give your cash or I'll shoot."
The robber got about $400 but left half of his note. Investigators found the other half outside the bank's front doors. Authorities say that part of the man's October pay stub had his name and address.

Headline: 250 Thongs Stolen From Florida Victoria's Secret Store
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 30.12.8
Caption: No Nipple Ring For Junior

A Florida Victoria's Secret store was the victim of an elaborate panty raid over the weekend when a thief walked out with 250 pairs of thong underwear from the store, authorities said.
An employee at the Naples, Fla., store noticed on Saturday that four drawers of PINK brand XS thong panties had been emptied, according to a police report The theft likely occurred between Friday evening and Saturday morning.

HEADLINE: Nipples out in new piercing rules
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 29.12.8
Caption: No Nipple Ring For Junior

MINORS will be banned from having their nipples and genitals pierced and children under 16 will need parental consent for any other body piercings under new Victorian laws.
From January 1, piercers who give a person aged under 18 an intimate body piercing will risk a $6600 fine.
The same penalty will apply to those who give minors a tattoo or perform scarification, tongue splitting, branding or beading on someone aged under 18.
And piercers who give children under 16 a non-intimate body piercing without parental consent will be slapped with a $2200 fine.
Attorney-General Rob Hulls said the new laws would help protect young people as body art increased in popularity.
"The possible health implications associated with body piercing can include the transmission of blood-borne viruses, infection, scarring and nerve damage," he said.

Cardboard Robber

Headline: Full-size Cardboard Figure Causes NJ Bank Standoff
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 29.11.8
Caption: Would the police not have notice that the figure had not moved in the time it took to seal off the area?

A standoff at a New Jersey bank is over after police learned a "person" seen inside was actually a full-size cardboard figure.

Officers went to the PNC Bank in Montgomery Township on Thursday night after an alarm went off. They saw what they thought was at least one person through the windows of the bank, which had its blinds drawn.

The area was sealed off and three nearby apartment buildings were evacuated as a precaution. Meanwhile, authorities used bullhorns and made telephone calls in a bid to make contact with whoever might be in the bank.

After repeatedly failing to get a response, a SWAT team entered the building and discovered the cardboard figure.

Headline: Drug-smeared boobs knock out robbed men
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 28.11.8
Caption: Drug-laced boobs knockout robbery victims

UGANDA'S police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious.
"They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state," Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga said.

"You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him," he said.

"And the victim doesn't remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing." ...

Headline: Ill. Zoo Creates Ornaments From Reindeer Droppings
Clip from: CBSnews.com.
Date of clip: 28.11.8
Caption: Just Shit

The Christmas ornaments for sale at the Miller Park Zoo's gift shop are partly manufactured by reindeer. Honest!

Staffers make decorations out of droppings from the zoo's two reindeer, Ealu and Rika. The droppings are dried, then clear-coated and either painted or rolled in glitter.

Zoo marketing director Susie Ohley has named the products "magical reindeer gem ornaments," and each comes with a label of authenticity. They cost $5 at the zoo gift shop.

Staffer Katie Buydos, who makes jewelry as a hobby, donated wire and beads, saying, "Susie asked me to bring some creativity to the table."

Headline:High Heels For UK Babies
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 28.11.8
Caption: High heeled babies

Lulu Sinclair, Sky News Online
The latest accessory for the baby who has everything has just arrived in the UK - a pair of high heels.
A chance for trendy mums to get baby into the party spirit.
The shoes originate in America but have been introduced to British shores by Julia Taylor, herself mother to a young daughter...

Headline: Cranky kid crashes teacher's car
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 27.11.8
Caption: Bad kid

AN eight-year-old German schoolboy who wanted to complain to his mother about being sent out of class took his teacher's car and crashed it.
The boy, banished from class for disrupting a lesson, pinched the 40-year-old teacher's car key when she was not looking and managed to start up her compact car, accelerating and putting the vehicle into first gear.
"The little fellow drove for about 25m before crashing into a Volvo, also parked in the car park outside the school," a police spokesman in the eastern German city of Zwickau said...

Headline: Judge Allows Civil Suit Over Co-worker's Perfume
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 27.11.8
Caption: Smelly

A federal judge says a Detroit city employee can proceed with a civil suit claiming she couldn't work because of a co-worker's strong perfume.

The Detroit News says U.S. District Judge Lawrence Zatkoff determined Susan McBride has a potential claim under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

The city is asking to have the suit dismissed.

Headline: Girl Injured When Dad Drops Electric Saw on Her
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 27.11.8
Caption: A weird but very sad story.

A 9-year-old eastern Missouri girl is seriously injured after she was struck by an electric saw her father was using to trim trees.
Rock Community Fire Protection District officials say the Arnold girl was standing below a ladder Wednesday afternoon when her father accidentally dropped the saw. It struck her in the neck and caused extensive bleeding.

Headline: Bat girl 1, intruder 0
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 27.11.8
Caption: Take That!

NEVER mess with a young woman who has three brothers who love baseball. Sarah Carr, 20, owes her life to her brothers' sport after she swung a baseball bat, fighting off a screwdriver-wielding attacker who barged into her house.

With just two swings, the fearless young woman managed to disarm the bandit and knock him to the ground.

She then watched as he hobbled off down the street. But had it not been for her sports-mad brothers, Ms Carr said the outcome could have been very different.

HEALINE: Thief Uses Lubricant To Swipe Ring On Woman's Hand
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 26.11.8
Caption: KY Jelly would do the job too.

Police said a thief used a Vaseline-like lubricant to swipe an expensive ring off an elderly woman's hand in broad daylight. Authorities said two men bumped 80-year-old Helen Artim's car, then asked her to open her trunk to check for damage.

Police said the suspect ran his hand over hers, covering it with "some type of lubricant," then used a towel to wipe it off. It's then that police believe he slipped the ring off Artim's finger. The piece of jewelry was valued between $20,000 to $30,000.

Headline: Accused Drunk Driver Ends Up Running Over Himself
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 26.11.8
Caption: Smart move

... A tip to the state's DrunkBuster hot line Sunday afternoon alerted authorities to a possibly drunken driver.

State Police Officer Grace Romero spotted the man's pickup truck swerving across both lanes of a highway, driving slowly and then fast. He refused to stop.

After narrowly missing other vehicles, police said the suspect drove through a ditch and a barbed-wire fence before stopping. He tried to put the truck into park, but it ended up in reverse.

Police said the man fell from his open door and both of his legs were run over by the front driver's side tire.

Headline: Superg-Looed: Man Stuck To Toilet
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 26.11.8
Caption: Stuck to the loo my darling.

A 35-year-old man has been taken to hospital stuck to a public toilet after a prankster covered the seat with glue.