Thrill Kills

Headline: Vodka girls' risky twist on spin-the-bottle
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 24.4.9
Caption: Thrill Kills

TEENAGE girls as young as 15 are skolling vodka in a new twist of the spin-the-bottle game.

Girls are being hospitalised for acute alcohol poisoning as they participate in risky drinking by skolling straight spirits to try to compete with men.

Almost 1700 children were treated for alcohol poisoning in NSW hospitals last year, The Daily Telegraph reports.

Leading drug and alcohol experts warned against the game, which is being played in other states including Queensland and Victoria.

Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia director Paul Dillon said in the past month he had visited schools in NSW, Queensland and Victoria where girls spoke of the game.

"There is a phenomenal (abuse) of vodka. Girls are drinking it, wrongly believing it contains no calories, that because it is clear it is better than other spirits and because it's odourless," he said.

Instead of spinning the bottle and having to kiss the person it points to, girls are taking large swigs of alcohol.

"Girls are not using mixers because of the calories and so they are drinking the spirits straight," he said.

"They are getting the taste for spirits through alcopops and then leaping into the straight spirits."

Headline: Man Pretending to Fall Off Bridge Actually Falls
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 24.4.9
Caption: Not Just a Pretence

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — Police said a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge.

Police got a call just before 5 a.m. Sunday from a 21-year-old man who said his friend fell off the Highway 77 bridge and into a marshy area about 30 feet below.

The caller said he was driving north when his friend, who he said had been drinking, told him to pull into the bridge's emergency lane so he could urinate.

The 23-year-old stood eventually climbed to the ledge of the bridge, then looked at his friend and pretended to fall. "He then in fact fell," reads a press release from the Bloomingtin Police Department.

Headline: Men Find Abandoned Safe Thought To Be Century Old
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 23.4.9
Caption: Old Strong Box

..men said they've found an abandoned safe by the side of some railroad tracks and that it could be more than a century old. Bill Dodd, one of the men who found the safe about a month and a half ago, says it weighs about 4,000 pounds. It's now on display at an east Tulsa sign company while the men decide what to do with it.

The patent dates on the safe range from 1856 to 1907. Dodd says that the safe is rusted shut and its locks have been broken off. He says he thinks there's something inside and that it hasn't been opened as far as he knows.

Headline: Who's There: Owl Lives In Ark. Home Depot
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 23.4.9
Caption: Gives a Hoot

A Home Depot in northern Arkansas has someone new looking out for mice at the warehouse store. A great horned owl now lives in the Harrison store's garden center, looking down on surprised customers shopping for flowers and paving stones. Employees say the bird's mother flew inside of the enclosed garden center during a January ice storm and laid eggs atop a pallet of merchandise.

Over time, the mother disappeared and two baby owls poked their heads out of the nest. One fell to its death, but the other survived, its four-foot wing span blocking out the sun as he flies around the garden center.

Since the garden center is open to the sky, the owl will leave, but always comes back, employees said.

"He's kind of our pet now," garden center supervisor John Gallagher told the Harrison Daily Times.

And the owl likely will remain there. Randy Zellers, managing editor of the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission's Arkansas Wildlife magazine, said owls are classified as raptors, which are protected under strict federal regulations.

To remove the owl, the store would have to get special licenses. Zellers said there's really no reason for anyone to try and move the owl for now.

"If he isn't bothering anything, it's perfectly fine," Zellers said.

Headline: Wife wanted for millionaire, apply within
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 23.4.9
Caption: Get Rich Quick Scheme For The Right Woman

HOPING to prove money can buy love, a self-made millionaire has employed a matchmaker to find him a wife.

The bachelor, who is 44 and drives an American-made car, wants a family and is keeping his name secret until love comes knocking, the Detroit Free Press reports.

He has hired Janis Spindel, a New York matchmaker with 867 marriages to her credit.

Ms Spindel, whose fee starts at about $50,000, is heading to Detroit next week, "tearing the town apart until I find a wife for a really, really handsome, awesome man".

"He ... has obviously been working like a madman and looking for love in all the wrong places," Ms Spindel says. "He's had a billion horrific blind dates."

And so just what is this man of money looking for in a potential partner?

Headline: Minn. Surgeon Needs Two Tries To Remove Appendix
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 23.4.9
Caption: Doc: If you don't succeed...

A state investigative report said a surgeon performed an appendectomy on the same patient twice after he mistakenly removed a piece of fatty tissue instead the first time. The Star Tribune reported that the surgeon realized his mistake two days after the first operation after a hospital pathologist reported what was removed was "not an appendix."

Headline: It's Diet Coke for mum allergic to water
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 23.4.9
Caption: I'll have soup without water.

AN English woman who developed an allergy to water almost four years ago remains unable to shower, swim or even cuddle her toddler.

Michaela Dutton developed the incurable allergy after giving birth to son Mitchell in 2005. Since then, contact with water of any kind triggers a burning rash on her skin. She cannot drink water, and coffee makes her throat blister and swell, but she is able to tolerate Diet Coke.

Getting caught in the rain causes a painful outbreak.

The agonising condition is so rare it affects only one in 230 million people.

Ms Dutton told the Daily Mail the allergy - known as aquagenic urticaria - had made her a prisoner in her own body and had placed a “terrible strain on what I can do”.

“I can’t really hold Mitchell because if he sweats or dribbles or spills a drink on me I get covered in sore itchy lumps,” she told the the Daily Mail.

Headline: Apollo 14 Astronaut: Space Aliens Are Real
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 22.4.9
Caption: We are the NEW Frontier

An Apollo 14 astronaut told a group of UFOlogists Monday that aliens are not a myth and called on the government to disclose its findings, The Washington Times reported.

"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," Edgar D. Mitchell, who made the longest moonwalk in history, told those attending a conference in Gaithersburg, Md., set up by the Paradigm Research Group.

"I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization," the 79-year-old added. "We are being visited."

Paradigm Research Group founder Stephen Bassett backed Mitchell's theory and demanded that President Obama's administration release all information concerning extraterrestrial beings.

"If it does not disclose, by the end of May — this is not a threat or anything, you don't threaten the United States government, they're heavily armed ...

When Praying is a Sin

Headline: Punished for Praying
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 9.4.9
Caption: When Praying is a Sin

Two California students can sue their community college district after their school threatened to suspend them for praying on campus, a federal judge ruled.

Kandy Kyriacou and Ojoma Omaga said the College of Alameda accused them of "disruptive behavior" after they had prayed with an ailing teacher in a faculty office in December of 2007, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.

The students said the school issued suspension notices to them.

Although public colleges are prohibited from endorsing religion, U.S. District Judge Susan Illston ruled that the women can proceed with a lawsuit against Peralta Community College District.

Illston said college students have the right to pray in private outside the classroom, according to the Chronicle.

The lawsuit seeks an acknowledgment of that right and an apology, and wants all disciplinary action be rescinded, said one of the pair's lawyers, Steven Wood.

Headline: Environmental Agency Offices Pollute Wash. Creek
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 9.4.9
Caption: Proof that the environment has not got a chance

Washington state environmental regulators say they've finally found the source of pollution that has been fouling a creek near Vancouver Lake: the agency's own sewer pipes.

City workers have discovered that an office building's sewer line was mistakenly connected to a storm drain, rather than the municipal sewer main.

The 1970s-vintage building houses Washington state Department of Ecology regional offices, as well as those of the Department of Fish and Game and U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

Headline: Church's 'No More Christians' Signs Get Attention
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 9.4.9
Caption: Say What! OMG

A Florida church is trying to persuade people to return to worship with a provocative campaign that has raised a few eyebrows around town.

The Mosaic Church of Crestview, a non-denominational Christian church, used the slogan "No More Christians" to spark conversation and attract the attention of people who have grown lackadaisical in their religious practice, the Crestview News Bulletin reported.

The campaign advertises a series of discussions with names like "Why you should be an atheist instead of a Christian" and "Why you should be a Muslim instead of a Christian."

Mosaic Church Pastor James Ross said the discussions are meant to "creatively and aggressively try to show (people) that God loves them so much that even though they are still sinners, Christ died for them," the News Bulletin reported.

Headline: Duo Accused Of Trying To Steal Restaurant Grease
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 9.4.9
Caption: All Greased Up

Two Detroit-area men face larceny and trespassing charges after authorities say they tried to steal used restaurant grease. Westland police Sgt. Steve Borisch said 52-year-old Christopher Kind and 44-year-old Richard Tallent were arrested early Tuesday at a restaurant in the city 10 miles west of Detroit.

Borisch said an employee of a business that collects and recycles grease under contract with area restaurants had blocked the two with his truck. He told police 1,000 pounds of grease worth about $160 had been drained from a nearby eatery's grease tank.

Headline: Divorce Court No Place For Frozen Dog Sperm Flap
Origin of Clip: CBSnews.com 9.4.9
Caption: Going once, going twice, going three times. The sperm goes to you

The judge wondered if she was an unwitting participant in an episode of "Candid Camera" or "Punk'd." Oakland County Family Court Judge Cheryl Matthews wasn't. She just had a front-bench seat Wednesday for a feud between a divorced couple over who gets frozen sperm from bull mastiffs they bred in happier times.

When Anthony and Karen Scully split in 2002, they divvied up the six bull mastiffs they owned. He kept four; she took two. Now, they're fighting over who owns the semen from Cyrus, Regg and Romeo that's being stored at a center in Sterling Heights.

Too Bad This Headline Has to be True

Headline: Teens giving birth to 'alcohol' babies
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 23.3.9
Caption: Too Bad This Headline Has to be True

GIRLS as young as 13 born with foetal alcohol syndrome are now having their own syndrome babies in the troubled Western Australian town of Halls Creek.

Mother and child are unable to relate naturally to each other or anyone else, the town's new senior doctor, David Shepherd, has told ABC's Lateline program.

He said he was witnessing a second-generation of the syndrome on his hospital ward.

Dr Shepherd has threatened to leave town within six months if the West Australian Director of Liquor Licensing, Barry Sargeant, does not implement alcohol restrictions flagged in January.

Owners of Halls Creek's two licensed premises are finalising formal objections to Mr Sargeant's plan to ban full-strength takeaway alcohol in the town, and they have the backing of the Australian Hotels Association.

Headline: Saudi Clerics Urge Ban on Women, Music on TV
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 23.3.9
Caption: NOT A LAUGHING MATTER

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia — A group of Saudi clerics urged the kingdom's new information minister on Sunday to ban women from appearing on TV or in newspapers and magazines, making clear that the country's hardline religious establishment is skeptical of a new push toward moderation.

In a statement, the 35 hardline clergymen also called on Abdel Aziz Khoja, who was appointed by King Abdullah on Feb. 14, to prohibit the playing of music and music shows on television.

Headline: Economy causing people to give up horses
Origin of Clip: CNNews.com 23.3.9
Caption: Economy hitting Mr. Ed

LANCASTER, California (CNN) -- The sound of pounding hooves thunders in the high desert air. A cloud of dust marks the trail of a herd of wild horses as they race across the arid plain. This is Lifesavers Wild Horse Rescue, a shelter for wild mustangs and unwanted horses near Lancaster, California.
Jill Starr, president of Lifesavers Wild Horse Rescue, vows to do right by the horses: "I will take care of them."
Lifesavers President Jill Starr says she and other shelter operators are witnessing an equine crisis.
"People have lost their homes, their jobs, their hope," she said. "And they are giving up their animals."

Headline: Bride: Wedding Night in Jail 'My Greatest Nightmare'
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 22.3.9
Caption: Weird Honeymoon Suite

HOUSTON — A woman who claims she was humiliated on her wedding night because she had to spend it in jail in her wedding gown has filed a complaint with Texas authorities.

Jade Puckett, 26, filed the complaint midweek over a picture taken while she was in a courtroom in her wedding dress.

"It had turned the best day of my life into my greatest nightmare," she said in the complaint.

She and Billy Puckett, also 26, were arrested following their March 14 reception as part of a Harris County sweep targeting drunken drivers.

Billy Puckett was charged with driving while intoxicated. Officers said his new wife was charged with public intoxication after she became belligerent.

She said she was then kept in a cell overnight — still in her wedding dress — with 15 or 20 other arrested women. She said male deputies at least three times opened the cell door to point her out to other jailers.

"The male guards seemed to be enjoying themselves," she said.

Headline: Teen's Body in Morgue a Month as Family Searched
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 22.3.9
Caption: Sad!!

NEW YORK — A 16-year-old girl whose misidentified body languished in a morgue for a month, while her family searched for her, died from an asthma attack she suffered as she was restrained and raped, officials said Friday.

Tiana Rice was reported missing Dec. 30, when she didn't return to her Bronx home after going to Brooklyn to meet someone she had gotten to know online, police said.

Police responded that night to a call of an unconscious woman at an abandoned Brooklyn home, and EMS pronounced the girl dead. It was Tiana, but she was mistakenly identified via the driver's license of a previous resident of the home, who is still alive.

The 911 call came from a pay phone not far from where Tiana's body was found, clad only in socks, police said. It was unclear whether she had meant to go to the abandoned home.

An anthropologist later realized Tiana's body didn't match the age of the person on the driver's license. The body was identified a month later, after the anthropologist pored over missing-person records.

What is that bulge?

Headline: Man hid gun in pants to 'impress women'
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 11.3.9
Caption: What is that bulge?

A FORMER soldier suffering trauma from his time in the army took a loaded gun into a Brisbane nightclub because he wanted to impress women, a court has been told.
Samuel John Radoll, 21, approached two women in The Met nightclub on October 25 last year and asked them to feel the "awesome" thing he had down his pants, the Brisbane Magistrates Court was told today.

The first woman happily chatted to Radoll, sat on his lap and had her photo taken with him after she discovered he had a gun secreted down the front of his jeans.

But the second woman reported him to security personnel, the court was told.

When security guards approached Radoll and tried to take the gun he struggled with them and warned them it was loaded.

Headline: Pet Store Expects Fish Shipment, But Gets Corpse
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 10.3.9
Caption: Something Not Fishy Here

Employees of a Philadelphia pet store expecting to get a shipment of tropical fish and salt water by air cargo ended up getting a human body instead. Mark Arabia owns the Pets Plus store in Northeast Philadelphia where the mix-up was discovered Tuesday.

He said he eventually learned that the body he got was that of a 65-year-old San Diego-area man who died of early onset Alzheimer's Disease. The body was supposed to go to a laboratory in Allentown so samples could be taken for medical research.

Headline: Cops nab woman with 'spray on' cocaine
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 10.3.9
Caption: Spray On High

SPANISH police have arrested an Ecuadorian woman who tried to smuggle into Barcelona liquid cocaine hidden in spray cans of products to starch clothes or clean glass.
The 35-year-old was carrying more than 1.5kg of the drug hidden in false bottoms in three spay cans found in the baggage she checked in on her flight from Guayaquil, Ecuador's largest city, police said in a statement.

Two of the spray cans were for products used to starch clothes while the third was for a glass cleaning product, the statement said.

Barcelona's El Prat airport has been the scene in recent days of creative attempts to smuggle cocaine into Spain, the main entry point for the drug into Europe.

Headline: Pub Sacks Blokes 'For Being Unsexy'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 10.3.9
Caption: Not Sexy

A TRIO of Sydney men say they have been fired from bartending jobs because they are male and customers don't like them as much as women. The three were dismissed from serving drinks at the Wallacia Hotel in western Sydney after the owner allegedly declared: "I don't want men behind the bar anymore."

The men say they were replaced by female bar workers, who were more attractive to the pub's male clientele.

Headline: Principal backs lollipop man's high-five
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 10.3.9
Caption: High Five Fight

A PRINCIPAL has criticised a council’s decision to ban his primary school’s crossing supervisor from high-fiving students and parents.

Lollipop man Charlie Cremona has been a happy face welcoming the children of Deer Park North Primary School in Melbourne's west for the past 18 years.

After standing in the sun, rain and wind twice daily for all those years, he was stunned when told recently he must stop “high-fiving” students and parents on his Hovell St crossing, the Brimbank Leader reports.

Headline: Police: Man Offers $69 For Klondike Bar Down Pants
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 9.3.9
Caption: What's in his pants?

What would you do for a Klondike bar? Authorities said a man shoved an ice cream bar down his pants and then offered a Texaco station store owner $69 not to turn him in for shoplifting. The owner told police that a 65-year-old man tried to sneak the Klondike bar, along with packages of Ramen noodles and Famous Amos cookies, out of the store without paying Tuesday night.

When the store owner confronted the man as he tried the leave the store, the owner reported that the man pulled the flattened ice cream snack out of his back pocket and offered the owner $69 for it.

Headline: Windows 7 Has Secret Internet Explorer 'Off' Switch
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 9.3.9
Caption: Widows Off, Windows On

SEATTLE — A single check box deep in the guts of the next version of Windows is giving Microsoft Corp. watchers a peek at how the software maker plans to keep European antitrust regulators from marring a crucial software launch.

Windows 7, the successor to the much-maligned Vista, isn't expected to reach consumers until next year, but more than a million people are already testing early versions.

A pair of bloggers tinkering with settings stumbled upon one they hadn't seen before: The ability to "turn off" Microsoft's own Internet Explorer browser...

Headline: Passengers to pay to poo with credit card
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 9.3.9
Caption: Pay as You Poo

RYANAIR are a step closer to charging passengers to poo after asking Boeing to design credit card-operated toilets. Ryanair chief executive Michael O'Leary said he has approached the US aircraft maker after conceding his earlier idea of a coin-operated door wouldn't work because passengers would be using both the euro and the pound.

"We have looked into this before, and the problem is Boeing can't come up with a mechanism on the toilet door to take coins," Mr O'Leary told the Associated Press.

Guy As Girl On Facebook Blackmails For Sex

Headline: Teen 'coerced Facebook friends into sex'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 6.2.9
Caption:Guy As Girl On Facebook Asks Girls For Sex Pics

A TEENAGER has been charged with sexual assault after he allegedly posed as a girl on
Facebook, had classmates send him naked photos and blackmailed them into performing sex acts.

Anthony Stancl, 18 of New Berlin, Wisconsin, persuaded at least 31 boys to send him compromising pictures and then coerced some of them to perform sexual acts to keep him from releasing the photos on the internet, prosecutors said.

Headline: Man Gets More Than 50 Traffic Citations in One Day
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 6.2.9
Caption:Bad Driver Fifty Citations in a Day

BOYNTON BEACH, Fla. — A Martin County man has been arrested on more than 50 traffic citations — all in one day.

Boynton Beach police said 46-year-old Elvis Alonzo Barrett fled from police trying to stop him for a traffic violation Thursday morning. Police said he ran through red lights, crashed into another car and a fence.

Police said they found crack cocaine and a crack pipe in his car.

Barrett faces several charges, including fleeing and eluding and reckless driving.

He was also issued more than 50 traffic citations on charges including speeding, running red lights, and not wearing a seat belt.

Headline: Girl: Mom Allowed Dad to Rape, Impregnate Sister
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 6.2.9
Caption: Very Sick

HARRISONVILLE, Mo. — The older sister of a girl allegedly molested and impregnated four times by their father said Thursday their mother allowed the abuse and should face more than a child-endangerment charge.

"I want her to get more charges," the 20-year-old said outside a western Missouri courthouse. "I want her to pay as much as my father. I don't want either of them to get away with a slap on the wrist."

The mother is charged with one count of endangering the welfare of a child. Cass County prosecutors said additional charges were possible but declined to elaborate. The woman is free on $10,000 bond.

Headline: Woman told to 'check-in dead husband'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 5.2.9
Caption: Sad Situation

"Must be transported respectfully"
A BRISBANE family is in shock after an airline told the mother she could only take her husband's ashes to India as checked luggage, contrary to Sikh tradition.

Nashater Hayer and her daughter Debbie are scheduled to fly to the Indian state of Punjab on Sunday to throw Kewal Singh Hayer's ashes into the Kiratpur River, but the airline will not let Mrs Hayer carry the urn with her.

Headline: Woman, 60, Reportedly Gives Birth to Twins
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 5.2.9
Caption: Granny Pops Twins

CALGARY, Alberta — A 60-year-old woman in the Western Canadian city of Calgary has given birth to twins after going to India for fertility treatments, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp reported on its website on Thursday.

The report said the twins, both boys, were seven weeks prematurely delivered by Caesarean section. Though one is breathing with the help of special equipment, doctors said the twins are doing well but will be kept in hospital until they gain weight and both can breathe on their own.

Headline: Careful! These Statues Could Get You Pregnant
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 5.2.9
Caption: BIRTH CONTROL FOR STATUES

Starting a family might be a little easier with a trip to Ripley's Believe It or Not museum in Myrtle Beach. The museum on Thursday opens a monthlong display of its fertility statues.

The 5-foot tall wooden statues were acquired on the Ivory Coast of West Africa in 1993. The company says they were then placed in its corporate headquarters in Orlando, Fla., and within months, 13 women became pregnant.

SPLISH SPLASH, I'M TAKING A BATH

Headline: Trio Fired For Sink Stunt From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 19.12.8
Caption: SPLISH SPLASH, I'M TAKING A BATH

The girls, from Anderson, California, had stripped to their bare essentials to enjoy the make-shift jacuzzi.
Bosses at KFC did not stumble upon the stunt until one of the trio posted a "KFC moments" gallery on her public MySpace profile.
Three fast food workers at a KFC outlet have been fired after posting pictures of themselves bathing in the restaurant's sinks... The girls, from Anderson, California, had stripped to their bare essentials to enjoy the make-shift jacuzzi.
Headline: Woman gives birth to 18th child

Headline: Woman gives birth to 18th child
From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 19.12.8
Caption: No Birth Control Here

A WOMAN who has already had 17 kids with names beginning with the letter J has given birth to her 18th child - a girl named Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar. The latest addition to Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar's brood was delivered by Caesarean section at Mercy Medical Centre in Rogers, Arkansas overnight.

Headline: Mum killer requests longer sentence
From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 19.12.8
Caption: You don't hear this everyday.

A MAN who had sought the maximum jail term for murdering his mother has said his sentence of at least 17 years is "manifestly inadequate".
Adam Patrick Owens, 36, had pleaded guilty to the stabbing murder of his mother, 69-year-old environmentalist Doris Owens, in her home at Swanhaven, on the New South Wales south coast, in September 2006.
Earlier this month, he told the NSW Supreme Court his only regret was that he hadn't murdered her 20 years earlier, and that he would do it again if he had his time over..

Headline: 69 Rabbits Discovered In 1-bedroom Apartment
From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 19.12.8
Caption: Bunny Hop

It's Christmastime, not Easter, but the DuPage County Animal Care and Control Center in Wheaton has some rabbits available for adoption - 69 of them, to be exact. All of them were found recently in a one-bedroom apartment.

Headline: Shooting Victim Goes to Work With Bullet in His Head
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 18.12.8
Caption: A Real Bullethead

A Riviera Beach man who was hit by a stray bullet in the back of the head is back at work — with the slug still stuck in his skull.

E.T. Strickland says the bullet hurts, but not enough to keep him from his job. The 74-year-old sells commercial real estate. He was told by his doctors not to have the bullet removed unless it was pressing on any arteries or causing health problems. He does plan to see a neurosurgeon though because he wants it taken out if possible.

Headline: Pilot Tells Passengers 'I'm Not Qualified to Land Plane'
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 18.12.8
Caption: Sorry folks, I'm not smarter than a fith-grader.

Pilot with more than 30 years experience was forced to turn his plane around — because he was not qualified to land in fog, an airline confirmed Thursday.

Passengers on the 8:4 5.a.m Flybe flight to Paris were just minutes away from landing at their destination when they were told they would have to go all the way back to Cardiff, England.

One passenger from Bristol missed a job interview in France because of the incident.

Cassandra Grant explained: "Twenty minutes outside Paris, the captain said, 'Unfortunately I'm not qualified to land the plane in Paris. They are asking for a level two qualification and I only have a level five. We'll have to fly back.'"

Headline: 1,500 Parakeets Rescued From 2-room ApartmentClip From: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 18.12.8
Caption: How much is that birdie in the window?

Berlin officials said they have rescued 1,500 parakeets from a two-room apartment. City veterinarian Margit Platzer said the birds were flying freely around the apartment, which was "littered with feces, feathers and leftover food." Platzer said it took her team more than seven hours on Tuesday to catch all the birds with nets.

HEADLINE: Weather rocket kills man and blows up his body at cremation
Clip from: telegraph.co.uk
Date of clip: 18.12.8
Caption: Blown up twice - dead once

The body of Wang Diange, from the Chinese province of Inner Mongolia, was found in the wreckage of a house where he had been overseeing the wake of a previous family funeral, after mourners felt a loud explosion which took off half the roof.

As it was raining and thundery, they decided that the house, and Mr Wang in particular, had been struck by lightning. The police came to the same conclusion.

Further inquiries were made a few days later after Mr Wang's own funeral. As his body was being put into the cremation chamber, it blew up spectacularly, bursting the doors off the oven.

Headline: Fast-food Worker Laughs, Tells Robber To Get A Job
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 17.12.8
Caption: TWO, TWO, TWO DUMBIES IN ONE

A San Antonio fast-food restaurant cashier laughed at a robbery suspect and told him to get a job if he wanted money during a failed holdup on Tuesday evening.

Police said the suspect approached the worker and demanded money, but the cashier laughed and apparently didn't realize the man was trying to hold up the place.

Headline: Heart Found On Floor Of The Paw Paw Car Wash
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 17.12.8
Caption: Someone's Heartless

Investigators are trying to determine if a heart found at on the floor of a southwestern Michigan car wash is from a human or an animal. The heart will be examined at a Lansing hospital's forensics services division.

WOOD-TV in Grand Rapids and WWMT-TV in Kalamazoo reported that the heart was discovered Monday by the owner of the Paw Paw car wash.

Headline: Burger King unveils body spray
Clip from: guardian.co.uk
Date of clip: 17.12.8
Caption: Meaty Smelly

Burger King releases fragrance described as 'the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat'

TOP STORY: STUPID TEACHER

HEADLINE: Black Girls' Hands, Feet Bound for Slavery Lesson
Clip from: FOXNewsews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: This teacher should not be teaching.

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — A white social studies teacher attempted to enliven a seventh-grade discussion of slavery by binding the hands and feet of two black girls, prompting outrage from one girl's mother and the local chapter of the NAACP.

After the mother complained to Haverstraw Middle School, the superintendent said he was having "conversations with our staff on how to deliver effective lessons."

"If a student was upset, then it was a bad idea," said Superintendent Brian Monahan of the North Rockland School District in New York City's northern suburbs.

The teacher apologized to the mother who complained and her 13-year-old daughter during a meeting Thursday that also included a representative of the local NAACP. But the mother, Christine Shand of Haverstraw, said Friday she thinks the teacher should be removed from the class.

Headline: 'I regret not murdering her years ago'
Clip from: FOXNewsews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: What is this world coming to?

A MAN who admitted stabbing his mother to death says he is not in the least remorseful or repentant but regrets not doing it 20 years ago.

And Adam Patrick Owens, 35, scolded the prosecution during sentencing today for trying to mitigate what he did, saying it sent a "terrible message to the public".

Headline: Diamond Theft in Drag
Clip from: FOXNewsews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: Bad Girls Or Bad Girls?

Cross-dressing robbers make off with $100 million in loot from a Harry Winston store in Paris

Headline: Man Allegedly Attacks Speed Camera With Pickax
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 5.12.8
Caption: maybe he thought he could beat the speeding fine.

A 26-year-old man faces criminal charges after being accused of using a pickax to attack a speed enforcement camera recently installed along a Phoenix-area freeway.

The state Department of Public Safety said Travis Munroe Townsend was arrested and booked into jail Thursday on a charge of felony damage and misdemeanor counts of interference with a traffic control device and criminal trespass.

The DPS said a motorcycle officer parked under an overpass heard loud banging noises and saw a man swinging a pickax at a stationary camera late Wednesday night.

Headline: Man Allegedly Assaults Girlfriend With Burger
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Way to go chicken!

A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face.

Headline: 'Evil' Mom Convicted of Locking Up Daughter for Reward
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Asshole mother locks up daughter for money.

The mother of young British girl has been convicted, along with her boyfriend’s uncle, of kidnapping her own nine-year-old daughter in an unlikely plot to keep thousands of pounds in reward money.

Karen Matthews hatched the plan with Michael Donovan, who took young Shannon Matthews to his apartment and imprisoned her for 24 days, while her mother made emotional appeals for her return.

The jury at Leeds Crown Court today found the pair guilty of kidnapping, false imprisonment and perverting the course of justice. Justice McCombe warned the defendants that they faced a “substantial custodial sentence” before they were led away in custody.

Headline: Brains a poor second to kids who laugh
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Ha, Ha, Ha.

IT's no joke: parents would rather their children grow up to be comedians than brain surgeons. A survey of more than 300 mums and dads found more than 39 per cent wanted their child to have a good sense of humour - nearly 21 per cent wanted them to be extremely intelligent. Good looks came third, with nearly 16 per cent of people wanting their kids to be attractive.

Headline: Pizzeria Mistakenly Butchers Deer Near Customer
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 4.12.8
Caption: Not deer dear.

An Allentown pizzeria said venison is not on the menu despite the impression a customer may have gotten when she saw one of the cooks butchering a deer in the shop's kitchen. John Okumus, the manager of Stromboli Pizza, called Tuesday's incident a huge misunderstanding.

Okumus said he shot a doe and planned to give it to his friend. He wrapped the animal in plastic and dropped it off in a back area of the kitchen, hoping the friend would pick it up. Okumus then went home.

He said a cook mistakenly started butchering the deer, and a customer saw what was happening.