Stunned

Headline: Officer Fired After Shocking Kids With Stun Gun
Clip: FOXNews.com 2.5.9
Caption: Stunned

CARRABELLE, Fla. — A Florida corrections officer was fired after zapping children with 50,000 volts of electricity during a "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" tour.

Headline: Cowboy Cited For 'riding Under The Influence'
Clip: CBSnews.com 2.5.9
Caption: I'm Not Drunk, It's My Horse

Colo. Police Write Man A $25 Ticket In Mall Parking Lot For 'riding Under The Influence'

Headline: 'There's no money for you - you're dead'
Clip: news.com.au 2.5.9
Caption: I did not know I'm dead

A VICTORIAN pensioner got the fright of his life when he was told by Centrelink workers he was listed as dead.

Clive Norton, 71, was told Centrelink records showed he died on April 8.

"I was pretty upset and just dumbfounded for a while," the Ballarat man said.

His wife, Denise, 61, even received a Centrelink payment for $2292 for funeral expences..

CURRENT IRONICALLY WEIRD HEADLINES
(Links)


Cowboy on Horse Cited for Riding Animal Under Influence
FOXNews.com 2 5.9

'There's no money for you - you're dead'
news.com.au 2 5.9

Husband's 365 nights of birthday sex
CBSnews.com 1 5.9

Barbecue Joint Needs Permit For Busty Mannequin
CBSnews.com 1 5.9

Queen's lawn hosts daylight sex romp
FOXNews.com 1 5.9

Mice chew on residents of nursing home
CNN.com 30.4.9 (Video Link)

School plans 'disabled dress-up day'
news.com.au 30.4.9

Mum 'hid dead son in fridge for two years'
news.com.au 30.4.9

DA: Woman Smuggled $12M in Gold Bars in Purse
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Boy, 13, Flies to California Without Telling Parents
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Kenya Women Withhold Sex to End Political Feud
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Okla. Bomber Sues Prison For Constipation
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

California Woman: My Father Was the Zodiac Killer
FOXNews.com 30.4.9

Deputy Quits After Wife, Mom-in-law Take Squad Car
CBSnews.com 29.4.9

Woman Allegedly Bites Boyfriend's Lip In Fight
CBSnews.com 29.4.9

Police Arrest Woman With Barrel Of Bear Candies
CBSnews.com 29.4.9

Judge Rules Inmate Can't Change Name to 'Sinner'
FOXNews.com 29.4.9

Radio Shack Employee Punches Customer
FOXNews.com 29.4.9

'I had my legs broken to be taken seriously'
news.com.au 29.4.9

Glow in dark pups 'not just a novelty'- VIDEO LINK
news.com.au 29.4.9

They Swear

Headline: Kids Told to Shout Obscenities in 'Swearing Lesson'
Origin of Clip: FOXNews.com 5.4.9
Caption: They Swear

A British school was blasted Friday after kids as young as 11 were told to shout obscenities during a lesson in swearing.

Expletives like the f-word and c-word were written on a blackboard before a teacher explained their meaning to 30 seventh graders.

S.t Laurence School in Bradford on Avon, Wilts, claims it was part of a sex and relationship education program to "dispel" the myths of swear words.

But parents say they were not consulted by head James Colquhoun about the class and say kids were left "deeply upset."

One parent said: "This is a total disgrace. Our children go to school to gain an education, not qualifications in swear words. Most kids had no idea what the words meant and were forced to grow up faster than their parents want. Heads should roll for this."

Headline: Villagers chase away Google car
Origin of Clip: CNN.com 5.4.9
Caption: Villagers surfs Google out of town

Google's ambitious plan to offer a 3-D street level view of communities across three continents hit a snag when angry residents of a UK village blocked the search engine's camera car from photographing their homes.
Fearing the appearance of their well appointed properties on the Web site would attract criminals scouting for burglary targets, villagers in Broughton, north of London, summoned the police after spotting the car.

"I was upstairs when I spotted the camera car driving down the lane," resident Paul Jacobs told The Times of London.

"My immediate reaction was anger: How dare anyone take a photograph of my home without my consent? I ran outside to flag the car down and told the driver he was not only invading our privacy but also facilitating crime.

Headline: Man clings to car bonnet for 4kms
Origin of Clip: canada.com 5.4.9
Caption: My Bonny Lies Over The Ocean or we should say The Man Lies Over The Bonnet

A MAN had to cling to the bonnet of a car for four kilometres as its driver allegedly attempted to throw him off during a road rage incident in Sydney.
NSW Police said the 30-year-old man and his wife were travelling along Parramatta Road at Concord in Sydney's inner west at 8.20pm (AEDT) last night when they were involved in a minor collision with a Peugeot hatchback.

After the Peugeot failed to stop, the couple caught up with it further along Parramatta Road, where they stopped and approached the vehicle while it was stuck in heavy traffic.

The driver of the Peugeot then allegedly began to drive at the couple, forcing the man onto the bonnet.

Headline: Drive-thru nude at Tim Hortons
Origin of Clip: canada.com 4.4.9
Caption: Nude at Hortons

Defying conventional wisdom about the dangers of mixing hot beverages and naked bodies, a man showed up skin to seat at a Tim Hortons drive-through Thursday morning. "My understanding is a gentleman came through the drive-through operating a mini-van wearing nothing but a smile," said Sgt. David Cowan of Saint John police. Police were called, but the clothing-liberated driver had already driven away. Cowan said he didn't know if the driver got his coffee.

Headline: It's official - you look like your dog
Origin of Clip: news.com.au 4.4.9
Caption: That wasn't me that was my dog

SCIENTISTS have proved it is possible to match a person to their dog just by their appearance.

And the study suggests a possible reason - people are drawn to pets with similar physical attributes.

Men and women shown pictures of dog owners and asked to guess whether they had a labrador, poodle or staffordshire bull terrier fared almost twice as well as would be expected by chance.

Researchers at Britain's Bath Spa University first set out to see if dogs and their masters had similar personalities.

To Jail Scam

Headline:Pennsylvania rocked by 'jailing kids for cash'
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 23.2.9
Caption: To Jail Scam

... There was no need for an attorney, said Phillip's mother, Amy Swartley, who thought at most, the judge would slap her son with a fine or community service.

But she was shocked to find her eighth-grader handcuffed and shackled in the courtroom and sentenced to a youth detention center. Then, he was shipped to a boarding school for troubled teens for nine months.

"Yes, my son made a mistake, but I didn't think he was going to be taken away from me," said Swartley, a 41-year-old single mother raising two boys in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.

CNN does not usually identify minors accused of crimes. But Swartley and others agreed to be named to bring public attention to the issue.

As scandals from Wall Street to Washington roil the public trust, the justice system in Luzerne County, in the heart of Pennsylvania's struggling coal country, has also fallen prey to corruption. The county has been rocked by a kickback scandal involving two elected judges who essentially jailed kids for cash. Many of the children had appeared before judges without a lawyer...

Headline: Jackson Five star plans slavery theme park
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 23.2.9
Caption: An Odd Theme Park

MICHAEL Jackson's brother has been criticised for reportedly planning to build a slavery theme park in Nigeria.

Marlon Jackson is said to be prepared to invest in a $5.3 billion theme park where tourists can visit a replica slave ship and walk the route of shackled slaves, before playing a round of golf or relaxing by a pool, reports The Guardian

The former Jackson Five band member and the Badagry Historical Resort Development Project hope the park will attract African-American tourists keen to trace their roots back to Nigeria.

Headline: Woman Pleads Guilty in 'Unnecessary Surgeries' Case
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 22.2.9
Caption: Nip And Take

COSTA MESA, Calif. — A woman who helped recruit patients to undergo unnecessary surgeries as part of a $154 million medical insurance fraud has pleaded guilty to 22 charges.

Sue Nanda, 40, of Costa Mesa, entered her plea Friday in Orange County Superior Court. She is scheduled to be sentenced April 24 where she faces up to 20 years in prison.

Prosecutors said Nanda worked for the now-shuttered Unity Outpatient Surgery Center in Buena Park, targeting employees from businesses in 39 states who were covered by PPO insurance plans. She recruited more than 170 people from 16 states to undergo unnecessary surgical procedures in exchange for money or cheap cosmetic surgeries.

Headline: Artificially-induced snow closes roads
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 22.2.9
Caption:

CHINA has closed 12 highways around the capital Beijing today because of heavy snow brought on after seeding clouds with chemicals.

All outbound highways were closed in Hebei, the drought-hit northern province surrounding Beijing, after heavy snow fell last night, Xinhua news agency said.

In all, 12 highways, including one linking Beijing and Shenyang, capital of northeastern Liaoning province, were closed.

Hebei got its first heavy snow of this year yesterday. The provincial weather bureau said that snow too was "enhanced" by artificial seeding.

Heradline: Police officer shoots himself with Taser
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 22.2.9
Caption: TASED

A POLICE officer has been treated for burns after shooting himself with a Taser stun gun.
Police were called to a nightclub brawl on Elizabeth Street, near Martin Place in Sydney, at about 3.40am last night.

They say a Taser stun gun was used in an attempt to subdue a 27-year-old man after he resisted arrest.

The officer Tasered himself in the struggle, injuring his arm.

BEING PUNCTUAL

Headline: Cops: R.I. Boys Stole Car to Get to School on Time
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 9.1.9
Caption: BEING PUNCTUAL

WOONSOCKET, R.I. — Two Woonsocket High School boys did the right thing by trying to get to school on time.

It was the way they got there that police had a problem with.

Police tell The Call of Woonsocket the boys ages 15 and 16 stole a car Tuesday morning in order to make it to school on time.

Police received a call about a stolen vehicle at about 7:44 a.m.

John Raymond, an officer assigned to the school, found the vehicle in the parking lot.

After questioning some students, he identified two boys he thinks arrived in the car. One was located in class, and the other was in the in-house suspension room with the stolen car's keys in his pocket.

Headline: Kidney stone? No, it's a baby
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 9.1.9
Caption: Will she name the bay Stone or Kidney?

A CANADIAN woman rushed to hospital for what she believed was a kidney stone gave birth to a baby boy instead.
"This is some kidney stone, isn't it," the new mum told Canwest New Service as she cradled her son in her arms.

"We're still in shock. We just can't believe it."

Juanita Stead, 36, said she did not suffer morning sickness or put on extra weight during her pregnancy and she continued to menstruate so she had no idea that she was pregnant.

An X-ray after she went to hospital on on New Year's Eve suffering back pains revealed the truth.

"The technician looked at me and said, 'My dear, you're pregnant with a full-term baby'. And I said: 'No sir, you got the wrong woman and you're looking at the wrong screen. There is no way I'm pregnant," she said.

Headline: Hoarder Dies After Becoming Lost in Maze of Own Trash
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 8.1.9
Caption: Man Dies After Getting Lost In His Own Crap

An eccentric loner in Britain hoarded so much trash he had to burrow through it to get around his home — then got lost in the maze of tunnels Friday and died of thirst.

Human mole Gordon Stewart, 74, had filled his rooms up to the ceiling with 10 years’ worth of garbage and clutter, making it impossible to walk around.

The compulsive hoarder is believed to have become disorientated inside the walls of rotting trash and unable to find a way out — then collapsed with dehydration.

Neighbors raised the alarm after failing to see him leave his house in Broughton, Bucks, for several days.

Headline: Sheriff Held in Own Jail For Failing to Feed Inmates
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 8.1.9
Caption: I Shot The Sheriff

DECATUR, Ala. — A northern Alabama sheriff was in federal custody Thursday after a judge ruled he purposely fed inmates skimpy meals so he could make money from an unusual system that lets sheriffs turn a profit on their jail kitchens.

Morgan County Sheriff Greg Bartlett testified at a Wednesday court hearing that he made $212,000 over three years by cheaply feeding prisoners — every cent of it legal under a Depression-era state law and reported on his tax forms as income.

But U.S. District Judge U.W. Clemon ordered federal marshals to arrest Bartlett after hearing a string of skinny prisoners testify they were served paper-thin bologna, bloody chicken and cold grits in the north Alabama county's jail.

"He makes money by failing to spend the allocated funds for food for the inmates," Clemon ruled after a daylong hearing in a lawsuit filed by prisoners over jail conditions.

Headline: Stiff sentence for masturbator
From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 8.1.9
Caption: Masturbating Driver

A MAN who filmed himself masturbating while driving at 150km/h on the Northern Territory's Stuart Highway has been fined more than $2000 and copped two months jail.

Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, appeared in custody before magistrate Sue Oliver yesterday to answer traffic, firearms and drug offences.

Erhardt pleaded guilty to the six charges, which happened in circumstances Ms Oliver described as "bizarre to say the least".

The court heard Erhardt had been travelling south along the Stuart Highway, had been smoking cannabis while driving and was filming himself masturbating with a video camera last July.

Headline: Man, 82, Woman, 86, Trapped in Bathtubs for Days

SALT LAKE CITY — An 82-year-old man who slipped and fell in the bathtub of his Salt Lake City home says he was trapped there for five days.

Lou Beddow was found Tuesday by a neighbor who noticed Beddow hadn't been walking his dog for a while.

The retired postal carrier says he survived on tap water after he slipped and fell in the tub Friday.
Salt Lake City Fire Department spokesman Scott Freitag says Beddow was hospitalized in serious condition and may have suffered compression injuries.
Police in a Milwaukee suburb say they also found an elderly woman who fell in her bathtub. The 86-year-old woman from Cudahy was discovered Tuesday and says she was trapped for four days. She was hospitalized, but her condition is not known.

Headline: US needs sex - porn moguls' bailout plea
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 7.1.9
Caption: Porn Business: Bail us Out

TWO porn moguls are seeking a $US5 billion ($7 billion) bailout from Washington, arguing that the limp US economy has thrown cold water on the adult entertainment industry.
Hustler magazine founder Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild video series creator Joe Francis have asked Congress "to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America" in a bailout move similar to the one set aside for US car makers.

"Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, (and) we feel we deserve the same consideration," Francis said.

"In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

Headline: N.Y. Man Demands $1.5M From Wife for Kidney
From: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 7.1.9
Caption: Stupid People

A New York doctor has demanded that his estranged wife pay him $1.5 million to compensate him for the kidney he gave her while they were still on good terms.
Dr. Richard Batista spoke Wednesday to reporters at his lawyer's office in Garden City, Long Island.
He said he gave his kidney to Dawnell Batista in June 2001. She filed for divorce in July 2005.

VIDEO: Boy, 6, drives car 10 miles toward school
From: CNN.com
Date of clip: 7.1.9

Headline: Skier caught with his pants down
From: news.com.au
Date of clip: 7.1.9
Caption: THIS DUDE WILL KEEP HIS PANTS ON FROM NOW ON.

What's worse than dreaming about going to work naked? Losing your pants on a ski lift and having the photos appear on news websites.
The unlucky man was left hanging in the cold on January 1 when he fell through the chairlift seat at Blue Sky Basin at Vail Ski Resort.

The Smoking Gun, which carries photos of the embarrassing incident, reports the man became suspended over the snow when his right ski jammed in the chairlift. Somehow his trousers got caught too.

Apparently the 48-year-old man was stuck without his pants for around 15 minutes as fellow skiers took photos.

Urine Loaded Squirt Gun Attack

Headline: Man Sprays 'toilet-papering' Teens With Fox Urine
Clip from: CBSNews.com
Date of clip: 12.12.8
Caption: Urine Loaded Squirt Gun Attack

A 50-year-old man who told authorities he was fed up with teens toilet-papering his house decided to defend his property _ with a squirt gun filled with fox urine....According to police, Wagar was on his property Sept. 16 when he used night vision goggles to see 15-20 people running toward his place. He told police that he told them to leave, swore at them and sprayed them with the fox urine...

Headline: Canadian Man Builds Himself Robot Girlfriend
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 12.12.8
Caption: Kinky Canadian

A Canadian man, apparently unable to find the perfect woman, has done the next best thing — he's built himself one.

Le Trung, a 33-year-old software engineer who lives with his parents in Brampton, Ontario, a suburb of Toronto, says he's spent about $20,000 so far on Aiko, a 5-foot-tall female android with clear skin, a slim if shapely figure and a wonderful disposition.

Headline: Boy Survives 16-Inch Arrow Through the Head
Clip from: FOXNews.com
Date of clip: 12.12.8
Caption: It was not Cupid

A Chinese schoolboy narrowly escaped death after being accidentally shot through the head with a 16-inch arrow.

The arrow pierced Liu Cheong's eye socket, traveled through his head and lodged in the back of his skull.

The 11-year-old only survived because the arrow missed his brain.

Headline: Man Handcuffs His Wife To The Bed, But Loses Key
Clip from: CBSnews.com
Date of clip: 12.12.8
Caption: Lost The Key -Yea Right

If you love something, set it free. And if you can't, call the police. The Detroit Free Press reported police responded to a call Thursday morning by a Dearborn man who handcuffed his wife to their bed but misplaced the key.
Police used a universal key to free the woman.

Headline: Firefighter arrested for fire hoaxes
Clip from: news.com.au
Date of clip: 11.12.8
Caption: Fire Crier

A NEW York fireman has been arrested for crying fire - when there was no fire.
Fire Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta told NY1 television overnight that the rogue firefighter had been secretly calling comrades out to non-existent emergencies. Commissioner Scoppetta did not describe the motives of what he called "simply outrageous" actions...